One Angry Dwarf and two Hundred Solemn Faces

My friends kept telling me that it wouldn't last, that one day we would go our own separate ways. I didn't listen. They told me I would only get hurt and I shouldn't stay... I still didn't listen. But now, as our relationship is ending, I really wish that I had listened to my friends’ advice, because if I did, I wouldn't be hurting like I am now.

I wish I wouldn't have stopped one of my friends from having a box of dog shit anonymously delivered to your doorstep. Although I find delightful, demented humor in that, I know you would have only blamed me for sending it.

I wish I could cut your dick off without my name being nationally broadcasted throughout the media. I also don't want to be criminally prosecuted.

I wish I could push a red button that would strategically drop an atomic bomb on your fucking house leaving no collateral damage.

I wish I had dark magic powers that would prevent you from ever passing the nursing board exams.

Most of all, I wish I could rewind some of my life... I would have chosen not to have met you.

But on second thought, I PROBABLY WON'T. It is such a waste of time to even wish anything for you.

Sometimes I wonder if you just faked our whole relationship... if you ever really did care.... if I ever really did know the feeling of how it felt to be loved and to love... maybe I just made the whole thing out to be more than it was because you are with him now. You've been so into him for only God knows how long... and my dreams and hopes of love are suddenly shattered... because I know now that when I call out your name at night... you are calling out his... and there's nothing in the world that hurts more... than knowing the only man I've ever loved... is out there loving someone else.

I'm simply a boy who fell in love. Well, that's what I used to think. But now I know that I'm just a guy who was charmed by a boy then used and left behind.

You killed me. You killed every hope I have left. I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. It's not worth pretending.

Am I mad at you?

That's your main concern after shattering my whole world?

Mad For what?

For breaking my heart?

All the lies?

Maybe for letting me put all my trust in you only to be betray the decency to tell me to my face?? How about the fact that you didn't even care the way you think its crazy that I'm crying over it, because you think breaking up is no big deal?

Am I mad?

No.

More like crushed. Did I ever even really know you?

I've made it through a lot, but only because I've always had this love to count on to be there for me through it all.

Now that I've lost that, I'm lost and alone and I don't think I'll make it this time.

I hope that makes you happy.

You don’t get to call me pathetic

You get to visit my site. You get to view my photos. You get to read my blogs. But you don’t get to post malicious comments on it. You don’t get to call me names. You don’t get to call me pathetic!!

How dare you!

Few days ago, you surprised me with your comment on my multiply account. (I don’t know how you got my multiply address but that is the least of my concerns. Besides this is a public account.)You pretended to be my ex boyfriend and was asking me if I could delete our photos which were taken when we were still a couple.

The first question I asked myself was, “What the fcuk? Why only now? Why not 4 months ago? And why create a dummy multiply account when you (if you’re really my ex) could have easily texted me on my cellphone? I never changed my number. That will save you a lot of time and energy right?”

So, being the bitch that I am, of course I decided I wouldn’t delete the photos. Why should I do that in the first place? I mean, those were “archived pictures”. They were posted in my site, taken by my camera with consent of the people in the photos. For whatever they’re worth, I would like them to remain in my site. Not to brag to the world that once I had a bf but that once in my life I loved... and I loved well...

However, knowing that I am being biased to myself, I told my friends about what happened and asked them if I should delete the photos. I asked them to be as neutral as possible --- taking into consideration that my ex already has a new bf and that seeing the pictures we had before might cause a bit of a problem on their end. I know for a fact that my friends will tell me what I needed to hear.

My friends told me not to delete them. They don’t see any reason why I should. They said it was a part of my past and they were old pictures. They were on the archived albums already. Also, they said that I always give a disclaimer to the people commenting on it that we already broke up. That I am single...

I thought the dilemma was over; I went on with my usual life without a heavy heart. But yesterday, I received a message from you --- this time on my friendster account. You are scary. The message reads: “Subject line: Vince... Body: “I’m his boyfriend, and I’m not comfortable seeing your pics in multiply which were just posted recently... aren't you over him yet? What’s the point of showing the world that as if you're still together and to use marvince as your profile name? He already asked you to remove the pics right? If you wanna get over him and move on, it's not a good way of doing it... pathetic!” end of message....

BP: 140/120, pulse rate: 200bpm. I could have sworn that I really lost my cool after reading your message to me. There were so many things going on in my mind that my neurons were sending impulses at a speed not known to man. I took a breather and analyzed your message. Although I would have appreciated if your email was not as poorly constructed as it was, here is my response to all your baseless accusations.

First, I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable to see our pics together. Maybe you should do yourself a favour and get away from my photo albums. You don’t have to visit my site every 30minutes you know. Or better yet, maybe I could do you a favour and block you from my site so you don’t ever have to worry about feeling uncomfortable ever again. Fine. You get the right to feel uncomfortable but please don’t think even for a minute that I will be the one to make you comfortable again. That is just to much to ask.

Second, the reason why the pictures were just posted a few months back was because I only started my multiply account two months ago. So please forgive multiply if they are not letting people post pictures without an account. Makes sense?

Third, in your message you said “What’s the point of showing the world that as if you're still together and to use marvince as your profile name?” How dare you! If you happen to spend some time reading my blogs and not concentrate morning over the pictures on my photo albums, it will occur to you that the whole world pretty much know that I already broke up with my ex bf and that though I am having a hard time moving on, I am not making it look as if we are still together. The last thing I would like is for us to get back together. If that gives you a little bit of solace, go ahead and suit yourself.

Fourth, about the photos, let me tell you that I will not delete them on my site. So please stop harassing me. What are you so insecure anyway? I have the pictures of yesterday. You have the boy. You have the pictures of today and tomorrow. Wanna trade place? You get to take the man of my dreams away from me. You get to take the future I once hoped for. But you don’t get to take away my memories. Those are the only thing I have left.

Fifth, I will tell when I will move on, or how I will move on or what I will do to move on. You don’t enter my life and shove it to my ass that you know better. You don’t get to be a smart ass. Not on me at least. You don’t get to tell me what to do and if I’m doing it right or not. You don’t know what hell I’ve been through for the past 3 months and if you have some self respect left even just for a bit, you will keep your unsolicited advice to yourself and shut up. Because you don’t get to judge me. Not you.

Lastly, and most important of all, remember this, you don’t get to call me pathetic!
It’s funny how for one second I was actually willing to trade places with you. Sure, you have the boy and that makes you one heck of a lucky guy. But I figured, I’d rather be single (not alone) than be you!

I don’t want to feel rotten inside.

Maybe I’ll take the road to moral perdition or take the road to redemption. Personally, I don’t want to call you pathetic just because you called me pathetic; I don’t want to judge you just because you make it sound like you know me to the bones, I don’t want to. I don’t want to converge with you and with people of your caliber.

PS.
If you don’t stop harassing me, I will post your friendster address here. I swear.

Critical Criticisms

It is easy to get angry with those who criticize you. But it is better to listen and to consider what they have to say.

If the criticism is completely misdirected and unfounded, then you can simply let it go. Yet often it can be valuable and productive to objectively consider what your critics are thinking.

The worst response to criticism is to become angry, insulted and defensive. For by doing so, you actually give more power and credibility to that criticism.

Instead, listen carefully and appreciatively to what your critics have to say. Even if the criticism is decidedly negative, somewhere there are positive insights that you can gain from it.

Don't let your ego prevent you from learning something valuable. Being receptive to criticism strengthens your confidence and can improve your competence.

Choose to know and understand what others think of you. Instead of getting angry and defensive over the words of others, choose to listen, consider and grow stronger because of them.