Dear Dogs and Cats...

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed as a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years --- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture .)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

* eat less

* don't ask for money all the time

* are easier to train

* usually come when called

* never drive your car

* don't hang out with drug-using friends

* don't smoke or drink

* don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

* don't wear your clothes

* don't need a gazillion dollars for college

* and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

The Best and The Worst

You know what I think is strange?

When I look back at the good times I have had, I mean the really great times I have experienced in life, you were always right there by my side… But more importantly, when I look at the real rough times, all the trials, you were STILL by my side.

It has been 5 months since that first day I saw you and you have never left my thought since then.

I have to say I'm the luckiest person in the entire world. Why? Because I'm one of those lucky people who found someone like you.

Back then, the thought never entered my mind that you'd be the person I'd love and trust the most. But you showed how valuable our relationship is by always lending me a shoulder to cry on and always finding the key to solve my problems.

You never caused a single tear that rolled down my face, instead, you were always there to wipe the ones others had triggered.

You battled my tough times with me, and you shielded me from everything that harmed me. I will always remember the tough times we went through, but what I will remember most are the times when we laughed so hard tears came rolling down our faces.

I remember watching all those movies only to find that when I was crying you were crying, when I was scared, you were scared, and when I was laughing, you were laughing with me. I remember all those quiet walks we shared. Sometimes we would have so much to say to one another, but sometimes we were short of words but even through the silence, I was having the best walk out of my life.

Probably, you are with someone new now, but I want you to know that you are the pinnacle of what it is to be a real man, to be intelligent, to be strong, to be sweet and endearing, to be full of tenderness, and passion and pain, to be understanding and imperfect, to be in control yet not be.

I want you to know that I continue to admire you and respect you and that I continue to yearn for you, your company, your words, your mind, and your stunning and illuminating and beautiful smile.

Never shall I forget the time I have spent with you. Please continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours.

And when it seems you have nowhere to run, when it can't get any worse … when you need a shoulder, when there is no one left to turn to… I will always be there.

My Dearest Penguin

Dear Penguin,

You asked me before where I went. And I want to tell you. I went to a place where nothing's right, where every moment's backwards, every sky's without color, without hope.

I tried to come back, Penguin. But I got lost...

And while I was gone, I met you...

And I didn't even have the courage to realize I was home.

A wise friend of mine told me "we all have our homes", and now I know it's true. I hope you get this letter, Penguin. I figure I got 75 chances...

Because if you do, you'll know that in the end, that's where I was...

I found home, Penguin.

I found you.

I hope you can find yours soon.

Get there --- as fast as you can.

And write me when you do.

In love with you always,

Marvin