My Birthday Resolutions

The clock ticks slowly but steadily. As steadily as it ticks the minutes and the hours, the years go by. I won’t say ‘flies by’, though it is so customary to say, "But how the years have flown!" The years do not fly; they go by rhythmically and evenly. Nothing can be timed more accurately than the passing of each day.

And with the years come birthdays quite an annual feature, but so much funfairs and expectations roll up with each birthday. Hopes and misgivings, flights of fancy and resolutions; each year new ones are made, each year the ‘now’ resolutions are broken afresh, for why else are resolutions made if not to be broken? And made afresh and then broken again?

After the New Year a lot of people ask me what resolutions I have made. When I answer in the negative, they stare at me as if I were some curio, but I do not make resolutions; only I make them on the eve of my birthday, as the night slips into the morning silently and without warning like a thief at the dead of night. As I lie awake waiting for the clock to chime the midnight hour, I look back at the vista of years and relive again the ancient past.

An odd feeling of nostalgia grips me as I think of the birthdays of yesteryears. Years when birthdays meant pretty clothes and presents and of course birthday greeting cards. Those were the party years and meant fun and frolic with all the exuberance of youth when optimism runs high and pessimism is at it’s lowest ebb --- when one is young and the world is at his foot and the sky is never too high.

But with the dawning of each year, new fears and apprehensions begin dawning too. Exuberance and hope give way to disillusionment and despair. What was once one more hurdle now becomes one more step to hurtle down. What was once a fruitful past now somehow seems an arid waste and the future? a bleak desert maybe with an oasis or two to punctuate the monotony. The pessimist sees more pitfalls and the optimist more mountains.

Even the successful man sees in the past the mistakes that he made and paid for – and laments in vain: "Oh that we could have two lives --- one to make mistakes and the other to learn from them".

But as Cicero in his legacy of the past had said, "While there is life, there is hope" and hope is such a stimulating balm. Life is there still stretching out in front of you to make or to mar --- the chance is yours and yours alone. The past is past and nothing can be done to change it the way you want.

The days of yesteryears remain etched in one’s memory but with the passage of time many events and incidents tend to blur away and only important and significant one’s remain for one to reminisce and revive nostalgic memories.

The future is cloaked in mystery, in doubt, in apprehension but also in hope, in joy and expectations. Resolutions come clamoring to the fore, old one’s rush to be included, wild impulsive decisions are made and still the clock ticks steadily on.

At five minutes to midnight, I will hold on to the old year for all I am worth. But the chimes start to ring out and no hand on earth can stop them.

In these five minutes, I will be one year older and one more year of my life has lapsed.

Indeed it is truly said, "Time and tide wait for no man".

Another year, another heck of a ride...

For the past year, I am thankful...

For my boyfriend who says it's pizza and DVD tonight, because he is home with me, not with someone else.

For my boyfriend who is on the sofa being a couch potato, because he is home with me and not out at the bars.

For myself who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means I am at home, not on the streets.

For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.

For the mess to clean up after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am out in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means that we have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church that sings off key, because it means that I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that I am alive.

And finally...

For too much e-mail, text messages, phone calls, friend requests in Friendster and multiply, testimonials, comments on my blogs, pictures, videos and posts, and invites on coffee, movies, dates and SEBs because it means I am being appreciated by people...

May this year be as wacky if not better than last year...

I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Birthday Thoughts

Four days from now, I will be celebrating my birthday. Once again, I am taking a moment to look at where I have come from and where I expect to go in the future. This has been a year of growth and, from the looks of things; this will continue to be a time in which great things are expected to happen.

Today was a little more laid back than normal, as I took some time for some badly needed rest. I have been stressed out the whole week supervising my new team. I didn't have a POC yet so I handled everything by myself. But no worries, I am taking this weekend to unwind. The downtime gave me an opportunity to catch up on my little-celebrity-like-life and just have some 'me' time for once. It felt great, let me tell ya. But I am going to be thrust back into reality on Monday, 6:30pm, when I return back to work.

Saying goodbye to this year, the most valuable things I will take with me are the memories I had with you... yes, you... all of you... and I want to thank every person for playing a part in them:

To my friends: you have gone beyond the limits of what one has to do for another. My life will be forever richer and more beautiful because you were a part of it. I love you with all my heart.

To every girl/boy who gossiped about me in corners of parties; to those who were my slap in the face; to the close-minded or misunderstanding; to those who broke my heart: you all challenged me to become the person I wanted to be. I am stronger because of the trials you put me through and no matter what you have done to me, you have unknowingly done so much for me.

To every person who inspired me by the way they lived their life; to those who were my shoulder to cry on; to those I found myself with in my moments of pure joy; to those who have understood me; to the people I share inside jokes with; to anyone who has held my hand, or for that matter, held my head back after a night of partying; to those who I laughed with until I cried; to my ex-boyfriends; to everyone I stayed up talking to until the early morning hours: thank you for the wisdom, happiness, and experience you’ve brought into my life. I will cherish these times forever. I wish you all the best.

Thank you guys for taking care of my heart without knowing anything about cardiology. And from the bottom of my slightly-healed heart, I love you all.

Thank you.

Gratitude is power

If you were to ask your neighbor,"What would give you peace of mind?" he might tell you,"A vacation in Bermuda!" or"An extra hundred grand would give me peace!", or"A new Ferrari would make me content!"

But going places and getting stuff is usually a temporary solution...

Let's say you buy a lottery ticket and by some miracle you win your dream Ferrari. Today you are content. Tomorrow you are saying,"If I could just catch that little punk who scratched it in the car park!"

Peace of mind rarely comes from getting more stuff. Getting more stuff usually leads to wanting even more stuff!

Peace of mind starts with being grateful for what you have right now.

GRATITUDE is POWER, and here's why ...

When you are thankful for what you have --- for the friends you have, and for the things you've got, you attract more good people and good things.

People who always complain about what they DON'T HAVE, stay stuck.Complainers attract more things to complain about!

It is a law of life.

It's hard to explain, but you can observe it around you. We get more of what we dwell upon.

That's why all the spiritual masters have taught the same lesson... Start by being thankful. Be happy with what you have now, and more will come your way."

It's a practical advice.

Every time you say a silent "thank you" you become more peaceful and more powerful.

Happy Weekend guys.

The Gratitude Journal

We all have so much to be grateful for. Even if we are not consciously aware of it, God is blessing us every moment of our lives.

As you look around, be grateful for everything in your life. Begin to see and acknowledge the Presence of God in your life and in all of your affairs. The Presence of God is in your home, finances, relationships, and your health. Begin to look at life with your Spiritual Eyes and see the goodness in all things.

Whatever you desire to experience, remember that the most powerful form of prayer is Praise. So pray with high energy, excitement, and enthusiasm! Ask for your desires from a place of your inner knowing and give thanks knowing that it is already done! Continue to give thanks with an open heart and an open mind. When you give thanks, you create a channel to receive your blessings.

So get ready! Look around you right now, wherever you are.

Find 5 things to be grateful for.

What are they? Why are you grateful for them? How does it feel to take a moment to appreciate the blessings in your life?

Now that you've got the Attitude of Gratitude, keep the momentum going. Maintain a Gratitude Journal. Each night before you go to bed, list 5 things you are grateful for, and give God the Praise!

Be grateful for your family, friends, and all the things that make your life special! Spend time outdoors and give thanks for the beauty of Mother Nature. See how creative you can be in finding things to be grateful for. Oh, and don't forget the simple things.

Example:

I am grateful for waking up this morning!

I am grateful for the water I used to wash my face this morning!

I am grateful for having a place to lay my head!

I am grateful to make new choices in my life!

I am grateful for 2nd chances!

And I say Thank You God!!!

The grateful heart attracts great things! Even give thanks for challenges or adverse situations that you might be facing. As someone once shared with me, whatever it is, "Bless it and call it good!"

Power is the ability to do.

You have the ability to create through your actions, words, thoughts and deeds. What is it that you are choosing to create?

As we celebrate the coming of spring and the Resurrection of Christ, let us give thanks for the opportunity to blossom and be reborn in our own lives. Trust in the Power of God. Trust in your Power to speak things into existence. Trust in the Power of Praise!

"Let everything that has breath Praise the Lord"Psalm 150:6

Happy Mother’s Day Nanay

After having dinner at Balinsasayaw last night, we went home and I approached my mom and told her how grateful I am for all the things that she has done for me and for our whole family. I told her I love her with all that I have and with all that I am. I won’t be where I am today if not for her undying support and unconditional love.

But my mom knows me too well and she knows that something is bothering me. So I told her I’m really upset with someone right now.

My Mom held my hands and embraced me tightly...

I asked her, “Mom, why are there so many mean people in my life right now? What do these people have against me that they could deliberately be so cruel? Why are they doing this to me? Are they just bored? What do they get from it?"

My mom looked at me and said, “Marvin, each person who enters our life has a unique lesson to teach us. It is only through these lessons that we learn about life, people and our relationships with God.”

I gazed back at mom with a confused look on my face. “I am a very fair person mom... other people should be fair to me too. I don’t lie, I don’t steal, I don’t mock people or inflict pain, I don’t cheat, I don’t ridicule others... the only thing I’m guilty of is loving someone too much... Is that so bad mom? Am I a bad person?”

So she began telling me this:

When someone lies to you, it teaches you that things are not always what they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look beyond the masks people wear if you want to know what is in their hearts. Remove your own masks to let people know who you really are.

When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have. You never know when you might lose it. Never take your friends or family for granted, because today and sometimes only this very moment is the only guarantee you may have.

When someone inflicts injury upon you, it teaches you that the human state is a very fragile one. Protect and take care of your body as best as you can, it's the one thing that you are sure to have forever.

When someone mocks you, it teaches you that no two people are alike. When you encounter people who are different from you, do not judge them by how they look or act, instead base it on the contents of what is in their hearts.

When someone breaks your heart, it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that the person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love, because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings you will make up for all of your past hurts. Times a thousand fold.

When someone holds a grudge against you, it teaches you that everyone makes mistakes. When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can do is forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have hurt us is often the most difficult and painful of life's experiences, but it is also the most courageous thing a person can do.

When a loved one is unfaithful to you, it teaches you that resisting temptation is Man's greatest challenge. Be vigilant in your resistance against all temptations. By doing so, you will be rewarded with an enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary plasure by which you were tempted.

When someone cheats you, it teaches you that greed is the root of all evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they may be. Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.

When someone ridicules you, it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections over which they have no control."

I looked at my mom and asked, “But Mom, what do we learn from loving? Are there no lessons we learn from doing good things to others?

She replied, “Marvin, man's capacity to love is the greatest gift He has. At the root of kindness and love, and each act of love also teaches us a lesson.”

My curiosity was deepened.

My mom once again began to explain: "When someone loves us, it teaches us love, kindness, charity,honesty, humility, forgiveness, acceptance, and all of these can counteract all the evil in the world. For every good deed, there is one evil deed. Man alone has the power to control the balance between good and evil, but because the lessons of love are not taught often enough, the power is too often abused.”

My mom kissed me good night and I was left at the garden looking at the stars. As always, my mom made sense of things.

As I was gazing at the sky this thought occurred to me, “Every now and then, things will happen, to make me want to hide...But for every bad, there is a good, to keep my heart alive. And as my brother once told me, I shouldn’t have to sacrifice who I am just because someone else has a problem with it."

At that moment, I know, my heart is at peace...

I just know.

I love you Mom and Thanks for everything.

Happy mother’s day.

An Ode to a Friend

Sometimes someone comes into your live and changes everything, raises the standards, makes you laugh, and makes you feel like you.

When I look back at my life, I can recall very few times where I felt really grateful of the things that came my way. One such instance was a few months ago when, in the midst of my dull dreary life, I met Merito Niño Miguel.

Looking back, it’s easy to get melodramatic about the experiences we had to go through as friends. Just writing this takes me back on that rainy Saturday night when I first met him in person at SM North EDSA, alongside two of his friends.

I met Merito through Jon, a friend from an online community who happens to be one of Merito’s best buds. With his wit and charms, we instantly hit as friends and soon found ourselves enjoying hours of chatting on the net --- from the most trivial to the most consequential stuff.

Boy I tell you, this guy is loaded. He doesn’t even have to work a single day of his oh-so-fabulous life to survive. But don’t mistake him to mere material stuff. Fact of the matter is he’s got way more than that.

Standing at a statuesque height of 5'10, Merito has the body to die for. He has the fairest skin of all and a smile that literally tells toothpaste commercial models, “Alright, you may now retire.” But Merito is more than just what pleases the eye, he is brilliant, good-natured and funny. No one but him could ever deliver punch lines that will keep you laughing your ass out… and I mean literally laughing your ass out for several hours at that.



His attention-grabbing smile may seem to send off a delicate façade, but behind it, incontestably, is one tough guy who is driven towards achieving his goals in life. Albeit younger, he has always been a “kuya” to me, always giving me advices on love and on life.

Merito is a seasoned survivor. He had been through a lot himself. Hearing his stories and the sacrifices he had to endure for the sake of his family and friends make me admire him more. Where others would have walked away out of humiliation and shame, Merito faced life head high, keeping his morals and principles intact --- a living proof that you can never put a good guy down.

Sometimes we stand outside life --- waiting for a door to open to us, hoping the person behind that door will let us in and be our friend. I was once on the outside until a door opened to me and behind it I found not only a friend in Merito, but a whole new world --- a brotherhood, in the arms of his warm welcoming friends.

Now I stand behind that door on the inside, helping to open it for someone else who stands where I once stood. From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it.

Without even realizing it, Merito taught me a lot of things, not only about life, but about what true friendships can be like.

Please do me a favor Merito and never give up... not on yourself, not on other people, not on your dreams... not on anything.

Something for the Soul

Gracious God,

In the busy-ness of my day, I sometimes forget to stop to thank You for all that is good in my life.

My blessings are many and my heart is filled with gratefulness for the gift of living, for the ability to love and be loved, for the opportunity to see the everyday wonders of creation, for sleep and water, for a mind that thinks and a body that feels.

I thank you, too, for those things in my life that are less than I would hope them to be. Things that seem challenging, unfair, or difficult.

When my heart feels stretched and empty and pools of tears form in my weary eyes, still I rejoice that you are as near to me as my next breath and that in the midst of turbulence, I am growing and learning.

In the silence of my soul, I thank you most of all for your unconditional and eternal love.

Amen.

Thank you Lord

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings, thank you, Lord, that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible, thank you, Lord, that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising, thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, tempers are short, and my siblings are so loud, thank you, Lord, for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazine and the menu is at times unbalanced, thank you, Lord, for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous, thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest, thank you, Lord, for life.

Amen.

Turning Point

You’re off the hook.

I’ve never really put much faith in all that “if you love someone, set them free” crap, as evidenced by everything I’ve done in my life up to this very moment, but I am determined to be happy.

Happy in this life.

And I love you. I mean, I always –--- I have always, always loved you.

But our timing has just never been right. And the way I figure it, time is no man’s friend.

So I have to get right with that and be happy now.

Because this is it.

I mean, this is all that we get...

I also want for you to be happy. It’s really important for me that you be happy. I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself.

I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I’m with you.

So I guess the point to this long, run on sentence that’s been the last ten years of our lives... is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me.