It's that time of year again... my birthday.

It's that time of year again, when I age a little more.
It's that time of year again, when I learn a snippet more.
It's that time of year again, when I mature a tad more.
It's that time of year again, when I appreciate a touch more.
It's that time of year again.

My birthday.

When I was younger, like any other child, I regarded birthdays as “the festival of the year”. I loved birthdays. It meant I could demand for presents from my parents. It meant cake and ice cream. It meant special treatment and my favourite food served for meals. I was a child and I was blissful.

Then I grew up.

Over the years, it seemed as though the value of my birthday, and birthdays in general, had diminished somewhat. I rarely received birthday presents from my friends as I progressed in high school, except for some gifts from a few best friends.

But on a lighter note ---- I guess to be fair --- God made my college days different as I received more gifts than I could ever wish for. I think I have developed some of the best friendships during that phase of my life. After I graduated from college and started working at People Support, I was fortunate enough to have been blessed with the opportunity to meet some wonderful souls --- people who made me feel special each year. My birthdays in People Support were awesome. My friends never fail to surprise me year after year after year.

But I’m not in People Support anymore. I am not in La Salle anymore. I don’t really expect much this year. I have prepared myself for the worst birthday ever. No presents, no cakes, no ice cream, no celebration. Don’t get me wrong though. I still expect to receive presents from my parents and brothers but only because they never missed to give me one every single year. I also have a handful of friends from outside the company whom I know will still surprise me with something unusual... those I look forward to. But other than that, I expected nothing else this year... not from the company I work for... not from my officemates.

If I was still the child I had been 15 years ago, I’d have thrown an emotional tantrum involving generous episodes of dramatic kicking and screaming and threats to jump out of the window. No birthday cake on such a glorious day? Blasphemy!

But I didn’t.

I realized it was because I simply stopped caring. There were a few consecutive years in the past, in which really horrible things happened on my birthday, or a few days before it. I spent my birthdays feeling miserable, wishing fervently that I had been blessed with a boring, ordinary day for my birthday instead. When you are put into situations which make you cry really badly all day, you actually don’t think about presents and celebrations. You’d give anything to be able to live a normal, routine day.

Which was exactly how I felt. It no longer mattered to me if nobody cared, if nobody remembered except my family and close friends. All I wanted was a normal, peaceful day and I’d be happy for another year.

No birthday cake? Not a problem, I’d just buy myself a slice of cake and eat it. No greetings? Well, who cares, they’re all busy people anyway, and it’s no different than wishing someone “good morning” every morning, except people only wish you “happy birthday” once a year.

My birthday was just a date to me, nothing more than a mechanical reminder that I had passed another milestone in life.

I was fine, and I was genuinely happy. I didn’t need anyone to remember, which was why I always tried to conceal my date of birth whenever anyone asked. I didn’t want people to make a fuss; I didn’t want them to go through any trouble just for me.

Today, Reich, Royce, Chester, Kei, Harlie, Reg, Tatty, LJ, Mac, AC, Pedz, Stlz, Bash, Wendell, Tyrone, Rowell, Mae, Pao, Russell, Vok, my whole Care Family, the entire Care FSS and the rest of my friends in management and support staff surprised me with a birthday cake when we were having dinner at the 31st floor pantry of PBCOM. Chester and I were singing “Just Once” --- part of the Customer Service week celebration --- when all of them showed up with a cake.

I stared at it for a while and the first thing I said was “Chester’s birthday?”

It was obviously not one of my more brilliant moments.

For the strangest reason I thought the cake was for my friend Chester who celebrated his birthday 6 days ago.

They all looked as though I had snorted green tea out of my nose.

“YOUR CAKE!”

Oh my. I honestly did not expect that. At that very moment I was looking at the most beautiful cake in the world, because it was a thoughtful gesture of sincerity and kindness in the spirit of friendship.

I have always suspected that I’ve grown up too quickly for my age, but today, when you guys went out of your way to get me a cake, when you had to relight the candle 10 thousand times because the air-conditioning kept on putting the flame out, when you guys took one million photos of me looking absolutely retarded, when you guys dictated how I should make my wish, when you made me remove the candle from the cake using my mouth, when we camwhored, when Chester had to slice the cake for me because I was such a noob at cutting cakes, when we shared the cake and laughed, when we had fun, I became a child again.

I was once again the child who loved and glorified birthdays. I was once again the little boy who squealed at the sight of cake. I was once again the kid who enjoyed birthdays.

Thank you for making my birthday meaningful again.

I love you guys.

A Love Letter to my Friends

I am your friend and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not got, but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven!

No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness could we but see - and to see we have only to look. I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by the covering, cast them away as ugly, or heavy or hard. Remove the covering and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power.

Welcome it, grasp it, touch the angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there, the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing presence. Our joys, too, be not content with them as joys. They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty --- beneath its covering --- that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven.

Courage, then, to claim it, that is all. But courage you have, and the knowledge that we are all pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.

And so, at this time, I greet you. Not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you now and forever, the day breaks, and the shadows flee away.

Birthday Thoughts

Four days from now, I will be celebrating my birthday. Once again, I am taking a moment to look at where I have come from and where I expect to go in the future. This has been a year of growth and, from the looks of things; this will continue to be a time in which great things are expected to happen.

Today was a little more laid back than normal, as I took some time for some badly needed rest. I have been stressed out the whole week supervising my new team. I didn't have a POC yet so I handled everything by myself. But no worries, I am taking this weekend to unwind. The downtime gave me an opportunity to catch up on my little-celebrity-like-life and just have some 'me' time for once. It felt great, let me tell ya. But I am going to be thrust back into reality on Monday, 6:30pm, when I return back to work.

Saying goodbye to this year, the most valuable things I will take with me are the memories I had with you... yes, you... all of you... and I want to thank every person for playing a part in them:

To my friends: you have gone beyond the limits of what one has to do for another. My life will be forever richer and more beautiful because you were a part of it. I love you with all my heart.

To every girl/boy who gossiped about me in corners of parties; to those who were my slap in the face; to the close-minded or misunderstanding; to those who broke my heart: you all challenged me to become the person I wanted to be. I am stronger because of the trials you put me through and no matter what you have done to me, you have unknowingly done so much for me.

To every person who inspired me by the way they lived their life; to those who were my shoulder to cry on; to those I found myself with in my moments of pure joy; to those who have understood me; to the people I share inside jokes with; to anyone who has held my hand, or for that matter, held my head back after a night of partying; to those who I laughed with until I cried; to my ex-boyfriends; to everyone I stayed up talking to until the early morning hours: thank you for the wisdom, happiness, and experience you’ve brought into my life. I will cherish these times forever. I wish you all the best.

Thank you guys for taking care of my heart without knowing anything about cardiology. And from the bottom of my slightly-healed heart, I love you all.

Thank you.

Defining Friendship's Moments

I used to be afraid of so many things... that I'd never grow up, that I'd be trapped in the same place for all eternity, that my dreams would forever be shy of my reach.

It's true what they say. Time plays tricks on you. One day you're dreaming, the next your dream has become your reality.

And now that this scared little boy no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss him.
I do.

'Cause there are things I wanna tell him --- to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be ok. I want him to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually accept you for who you are, will become an increasingly rare occurrence.

Lisa, Liila, Anna, Despi, Pinky, Pam, IA, Marica, Sherryl Lou, Ardie, Debbie, El, Sean, Vincent, Uly, my loving brother Mark and my countless faceless blog readers... These people who contributed to who I am, they are with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Because the truth is... it was the best of times.

Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now.

How does it happen?

Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good?

Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we will never forget.

I can't swear this is exactly how it happened.

But this is how it felt.