Happy but Wrong? or Right but Sad?

Isa na namang text message ang natanggap ko galing sa isang kaibigan. Ang sabi sa message: “If you were to make the biggest decision of your life, what would you rather be? Happy but wrong? or right but sad?”

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko makita ang sense ng message na ito pero dahil nagtanong sya, sasagutin ko na lang din. Apat lang naman ang salitang napapaloob sa tanong --- happy, sad, right at wrong. Kung tutuusin dapat ay madali mo lang masasagot ito lalo na kung kilala mo ang iyong sarili. Pero bago ko ibigay ang aking opinion, subukan muna nating i-define ang apat na salitang ginamit ng nagtanong base sa kung paano ito inilarawan ni Merriam Webster.

Right: acting in accord with divine or moral law: free from guilt or sin

Wrong: an injurious, unfair, or unjust act, action or conduct inflicting harm without due provocation or just cause. A violation or invasion of the legal rights of another.

Happy: enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment

Sad: affected with or expressive of grief or unhappiness: downcast

Ngayong alam na natin ang ibig sabihin ng mga salita, paano mo sasagutin ang tanong? Pipiliin mo bang maging mali pero masaya ka naman o mas pipilin mo na lang na gawin ang tama kahit ang kapalit nito ay ang iyong kalungkutan?

Nag iisip ka pa rin? Hindi mo pa din alam?

Kung ako ang iyong tatanungin, sa kahit ano pa mang sitwasyon, sa kahit ano pa mang panahon, at sa kahit sino pa man ang kasangkot, lagi at paulit ulit ko pa ring gagawin kung ano ang sa palagay ko ay tama. Subalit, hindi ako sumasang ayon na ito ay magdudulot sa akin ng kalungkutan.

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Una, naniniwala ako na sa paggawa lamang ng tama o sa tingin natin ay tama, ang natatangi at tiyak na makapagbibigay sa atin ng saya. Paanong magiging masaya ang isang tao kung alam nya na gumawa sya ng masama sa iba man o sa kanyang sarili? Take note, ang sabi ko ay kung alam nya na masama ang kanyang ginawa sa sarili man o sa kapwa. Labas dito kung ang desisyng iyon ay nakasakit sa kanya o sa iba.

Bakit kamo?

Dahil hindi naman natin kontrolado ang mararamdaman ng iba. Kung tayo ay mag desisyon at sa huli ay makasakit, hindi natin ito ginawa para intensyonal na makasakit ng iba. Ang sakit na kanilang naramdaman ay ang reaksyon nila sa kung ano mang bagay ang nasabi o nangyari. Halimbawa, nakipaghiwalay ka sa iyong syota. Nasaktan sya at nagalit dahil para sa kanya ay hindi sapat ang iyong dahilan. Kung nakipaghiwalay ka dahil iyon ang alam mong tama para sa inyong dalawa, naging masama ka na bang tao dahil sya ay nasakatan? Noong magdesisyon ka bang makipaghiwalay, ano sa dalawang tanong na ito ang iyong sinagot? Una, ano kaya ang mas makabubuti para sa aming relasyon? o Paano ko ba masasaktan ang taong ito, gusto ko talaga sya makitang umiyak? Hindi ba’t malimit ay ang unang tanong naman ang ating sinasagot. Bibihira lang naman siguro ang taong gigising sa umaga at magtatanong ng, paano kaya ako makakasakit ng tao ngayon o paano ko kaya sasaktan ang aking sarili? Hindi ba’t magiging masaya pa rin tayo dahil alam natin, sa kaibuturan ng ating mga puso na tama ang ating ginawang desisyon.

Kung ang isang bagay ay alam nating mali subalit atin pa ding ginawa, sa tingin mo ba ito’y makakapagpasaya sa atin? Na ito’y tunay na makakapagpasaya sa atin? Totoo kayang pwede maging “wrong but happy” ang isang tao? Kung alam mong masama ang pumatay at pumatay ka ng iyong kaibigan, magiging masaya ka kaya? Kung lumaki ka na alam mong mali ang hindi gumalang sa matatanda, ang pambabastos mo kaya ay magdudulot sa iyo ng kasiyahan? Kung alam mong masama mag droga pero ginawa mo pa din, kung alam mong masama magnakaw pero kumuha ka ng gamit ng iba, kung alam mong masama manloko pero nagtaksil ka sa iyong kasintahan, kung alam mong masama ang hindi magsabi ng totoo pero nagsinungaling ka sa iyong mga magulang, magiging masaya ka kaya?

Ikaw lang ang makasasagot sa mga tanong na iyan.

Ang alam ko, sabi nila, kung ano ang bawal yun ang masarap. Take note, masarap pero hindi naman masaya. Maaaring habang ginagawa mo ang isang bagay na mali o bawal ay nasasarapan ka pero sa huli hindi ibig sabihin nito na mkapagdudulot din ito sa iyo ng saya.

Huwag nating lokohin ang ating mga sarili. Huwag nating bigyan ng justification ang lahat para lamang magawa natin ang mga bagay na sa una pa lang ay alam na nating mali. Huwag sana nating gamiting dahilan ang sayang maibibigay sa atin ng paggawa ng hindi wasto sa kapwa at sa sarili.

Kung kaya’t hindi ako naniniwalang may taong “right but sad”. Para sa akin, wala itong kabuluhan sapagkat ang taong gumagawa ng tama ay parating masaya, Maaaring malungkot sya pansamantala dahil nasaktan sya o nakasakit pero sa huli’y saya pa rin ang idudulot ng paggawa ng tama. Halimbawa, nakipagrelasyon ka sa may asawa na, napag isip isip mong mali ang iyong ginagawa kaya’t pinili mo na lang na makipaghiwalay. Natural na masakatan ka, pero dahil sa alam mong tama ang iyong ginawa, hindi ba’t sa huli ay magiging masaya ka din? Ito sana ang nais kong maintindihan mo, ang mga taong nasasaktan ay hindi naman ibig sabihing hindi masaya. Ang isang taong nahihirapan ay hindi ibig sabihing malungkot.

Pero hindi ba’t may nagsabi din na happiness daw is a choice. Tama naman. May punto ang nagsabi noon. Pero hindi bat loneliness is a choice din. Kung gayon pwede kang maging right but happy o di kaya’y right but sad. Pwede ka ding maging wrong but happy o di kaya’y wrong but sad ayon sa paniniwala mo.

Samakatuwid, kung ang tanong ay ganito, ano ang gagawin mo, yung tama o yung mali? Hindi ba’t mas madaling sagutin, syempre yung tama. Pero kapag nadagdagan na ng kung ano ang pwedeng idulot nito sa atin gaya ng kasiyahan o kalungkutan, mas mahirap na dahil wala namang ni isa sa atin na gustong maging malungkot.

Ang paggawa ng tama, mali man sa mata ng iba ay tama pa rin. Ang paggawa ng tama magdulot man ng sakit sa sarili o sa iba ay tama pa din. Sa huli, pagbali-baliktarin mo man ang mundo, subukan mo mang ibalik ang panahon, o di kaya’y itigil ang oras, ang tamang iyong nagawa kahapon ay tama pa din ngayon at tama pa din bukas.

Ikaw, “If you were to make the biggest decision of your life, what would you rather be? Happy but wrong? or right but sad?”

Right time, wrong person. Wrong time, right person.

Somebody once told me that, “Finding the right person is very hard and very wrong... it is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from there... you'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a "right person" for you. Don't rush things.... coz somewhere somehow God is preparing somebody for you."

You can never be perfect... the person you love can never be perfect too... but both of you can be perfect through love and prayers, and your love can be perfect through the both of you.

But, no relationship is complete without God… a great relationship is one that is bonded not only between you and your loved one.... but also with God.

Our relationships fail not because (s)he's not the right person… it’s because we expected too much and we decided on our own. Let God do the work... you may call it waiting time.... but while you are waiting... pray. Let God guide you always...

He knows better. No, He knows best. Love is not what you think it is....

Sometimes we mistakenly feel that our first relationship will be our last. Because we are overwhelmed with joy and romance, we forget to learn the meaning of true love. Some are saying that love is unselfish, blind, and unconditional or simply denying oneself for the sake of someone very important in our life. Others are saying love is immortal and can never be defined.

When we think we're in love the first thing we almost wanted the whole world to know is that our love for someone very special can never be taken away from us. We say this phrase: "You are the most wonderful gift from GOD I have ever received..." After a terrible fight or sometimes even a petty quarrel we then say "You are the biggest mistake I've ever made for my entire life!!!". Now, how do you say and spell the word L-O-V-E? Are you really deeply into it?

Nobody can tell what love really is until experience speaks and whispers right into our ears. Most of the time, these love promises --- "Forever, Till Death do us apart, etc." would end up "Never" and "We should part ways, I'm no longer happy with you! My love for you is DEAD!!!" Many times we thought after having committed to someone and your trust too drops down to zero degree.

He isn’t the right one. I should probably wait for the right one to come. But the big question anyone could not answer is "Is he the right one?" "When is the right time?" that made us stick to whom we are with.

Will you always be waiting for the right person to come and the right time to commit? A big YES is the answer.

Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are and what you really want in a relationship.

You're right, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don't give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made. If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell the rest of your life.

It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings. Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a much needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself.

More frequently than not, we all act in a hypocritical manner for some reason. We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, it's just pity. We call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood; it’s just that we're too much dependent on them. We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken, it's just insecurity.

But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy nor beg. It is real and existing.

You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come.

It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but don't forget that it also can make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy.