My Dearest Penguin

Dear Penguin,

You asked me before where I went. And I want to tell you. I went to a place where nothing's right, where every moment's backwards, every sky's without color, without hope.

I tried to come back, Penguin. But I got lost...

And while I was gone, I met you...

And I didn't even have the courage to realize I was home.

A wise friend of mine told me "we all have our homes", and now I know it's true. I hope you get this letter, Penguin. I figure I got 75 chances...

Because if you do, you'll know that in the end, that's where I was...

I found home, Penguin.

I found you.

I hope you can find yours soon.

Get there --- as fast as you can.

And write me when you do.

In love with you always,

Marvin

Puerto Galera Trip

It was like I'd left behind something in Puerto Galera besides the ten pounds I gained in a span of three days and two nights stay in that island --- the strenuous but thrilling banana boat my friends and I had; the numerous yosi I puffed; the several shots of margarita and comfort zone I drowned myself with; the breath-taking beach and sand; the mouthwatering guys hehehe este foods and desserts pala; the various people I met; the guys I chatted with; the henna tattoo on my arm; and the heart-pounding nerve-wracking ferry trip back home.

Some invisible part of my brain forgotten on a shelf somewhere, some key ingredient to navigating the world abandoned in that cozy hotel room, in that 3-storey lodge.

I didn't even know how to look for what was gone, how to recognize it if I found it. How to ask for help.

But I didn't want to be better than anyone...

I just wanted to be me.

And, yes, I wanted to show up, to be noticed. But inside some of me still wanted desperately to disappear. Of course that's what had gotten me to Puerto Galera in the first place: trying to disappear.

Then each morning I woke up to the blinding Galera sunlight and thought I was a little boy in my bed at home again, that my father would come and wake me at any minute. And then, slowly, I blinked awake to the ceiling tiles and the scuffed wood floor, the chrome-rimmed bed and the hum of the room, and realized that I'd grown up.

But it was just one more thing. One more way the days would form and even at the bottom of everything I was, I just didn't care that much right then.

It was all about one more day and just for now and every other cliché in the world. It was all about waking and eating and running and sleeping. And it was about getting through to the next day... all of it even, nobody would hurt me.

I’m still alive, though I still wasn't sure I wanted to be.

My Little Walled Heart

I built walls around myself, tight, closed in walls, so it's like a real small room.

And I put in a door to my small room that I lived in. And every now and then I allowed someone to come in and stay for a time.

Once I let them come in it meant that they had a piece of my heart. That for that time I cared for them and loved them.

During that time they had the power to make me happy and they had the power to make me sad. But, after a while, I would make them leave my small room. And once they exited they were gone. They no longer held their power to bring me joy and they no longer had the power to sadden me.

It was done.

Complete.

Of course I allowed some to simply stay. They came and they didn't leave. I didn't want them too. I enjoyed having them in my little walled in heart and I wanted them to stay. These people made things good for me. They added to me. And I cared for them. They brought me laughter and tears. They fill in the walls around my heart with happiness and love.

I want them there. I want them in my heart for always.

I care about these people so very much and I know I always will.

Forever Friends

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being a part of it.

Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.

Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.
This is forever friendship.

When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full.

Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times.

If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows.

If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on.

Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay.

And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry.

You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.

Ride On

Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.

The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is like an old time journey...

Delays…
Sidetracks…
Smoke…
Dust…
Cinders…
And jolts…

… Interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas, and thrilling bursts of speed.

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride…

So, ride on…

Threesome Fun

'Friends.'.

A simple word isn't it?

It's uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable.

Who are your friends?

I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren't that, they're the people that touch your heart. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just because it was with them.

They're the people you can share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. They don't judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with.

You all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs and smiles. You're tied together by love for the other.

Friendship is one of the greatest things in the world...

I find my time with my friends, the best times of my life. My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and my life…