I am running out of teeth...

I felt something catch in my throat, a sudden surge of sadness that caught me unaware. It almost managed to take my breath away. That was the thing… you never got used to it… you never got used to the idea of someone being gone.

Just when you think it’s okay, and you think you've accepted it, someone points it out to you, and it hits you all over again…

And it's just as shocking as the first time.

And because he has been a major part of your life, of course you'll miss him.

It's perfectly normal.

It's like getting a tooth pulled out… after the dentist pulls it out, you're relieved.

But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day.

Just because it was hurting you does not mean you don't notice it. It leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It's going to take awhile, but it takes time.

Should you have kept the tooth?

No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it's going to hurt.

That sinister voice...

And I went to the phone and asked hello and your voice replied hello.

Your voice... a voice I haven't heard in five months.

I hate that voice.

That evil voice that steals my breath and stops my heart. That sinister voice that brings back the memories and the pain. I heard your voice... and I wanted to die.

I wanted to scream. To hang the phone up and disconnect it so I wouldn't hear your voice coming through the line.

I wanted to rip the phone off the wall...

To throw it away...

Throw the phone and your voice away... Forever.

Now, I hear your voice everywhere I go. I can't escape that voice. That voice that will torture me forever. Your voice will never let me rest. Never let me go. I can never escape your voice.

And what I wouldn't give...

What I wouldn't give to never have to hear your voice anymore. To never have to fear that every time the phone rings it will be you on the other end of the line. What I wouldn't give to never have to fear you anymore.

I would do whatever it takes to escape your voice...

To escape you...

And your voice said good-bye, and as I hung the phone up I wished.

I wished it really would be...

Good-bye...

Pretty Much Screwed

I saw him the other day for the first time in months.

I mean, I've seen him recently, but today I really saw him --- me looking at him, him looking at me, right in the eyes and straight to the heart.

And I could feel it, I could feel him, and it was amazing.

It's there between us... I just wish he wasn't too afraid to see it.

I guess I should have said something, anything.

I mean for a guy who wants to be a writer, it suddenly seemed like no words had ever been written.

When someone tells you that they somehow stopped missing you, you're pretty much screwed no matter what you say.

See, but there had to be something right? Something that no one had ever said in the history of the world, something that could change this.

And, "Hi. How are you doin'?"

That wasn't it.

Damn.

One Angry Dwarf and two Hundred Solemn Faces

My friends kept telling me that it wouldn't last, that one day we would go our own separate ways. I didn't listen. They told me I would only get hurt and I shouldn't stay... I still didn't listen. But now, as our relationship is ending, I really wish that I had listened to my friends’ advice, because if I did, I wouldn't be hurting like I am now.

I wish I wouldn't have stopped one of my friends from having a box of dog shit anonymously delivered to your doorstep. Although I find delightful, demented humor in that, I know you would have only blamed me for sending it.

I wish I could cut your dick off without my name being nationally broadcasted throughout the media. I also don't want to be criminally prosecuted.

I wish I could push a red button that would strategically drop an atomic bomb on your fucking house leaving no collateral damage.

I wish I had dark magic powers that would prevent you from ever passing the nursing board exams.

Most of all, I wish I could rewind some of my life... I would have chosen not to have met you.

But on second thought, I PROBABLY WON'T. It is such a waste of time to even wish anything for you.

Sometimes I wonder if you just faked our whole relationship... if you ever really did care.... if I ever really did know the feeling of how it felt to be loved and to love... maybe I just made the whole thing out to be more than it was because you are with him now. You've been so into him for only God knows how long... and my dreams and hopes of love are suddenly shattered... because I know now that when I call out your name at night... you are calling out his... and there's nothing in the world that hurts more... than knowing the only man I've ever loved... is out there loving someone else.

I'm simply a boy who fell in love. Well, that's what I used to think. But now I know that I'm just a guy who was charmed by a boy then used and left behind.

You killed me. You killed every hope I have left. I can't even pretend to be happy anymore. It's not worth pretending.

Am I mad at you?

That's your main concern after shattering my whole world?

Mad For what?

For breaking my heart?

All the lies?

Maybe for letting me put all my trust in you only to be betray the decency to tell me to my face?? How about the fact that you didn't even care the way you think its crazy that I'm crying over it, because you think breaking up is no big deal?

Am I mad?

No.

More like crushed. Did I ever even really know you?

I've made it through a lot, but only because I've always had this love to count on to be there for me through it all.

Now that I've lost that, I'm lost and alone and I don't think I'll make it this time.

I hope that makes you happy.

Napakasuwerte mo naman palang nilalang...

Ikaw.

Oo, ikaw nga!

Napakasuwerte mo sa lahat ng mga taong nagpakatanga at nagpapakatanga sayo! Naisip mo na ba kung ilang dagat na ang pwedeng mabuo mula sa mga luhang tumulo dahil sayo? Masarap ba ang pakiramdam ng iniiyakan kahit buhay ka pa?!
Masaya?!

Ilang tanga na ba ang naliwanagan dahil dumating ka sa buhay nila? Ilang henyo na ba ang nabobo sa kaiisip sayo? ilang bochog na ba ang nangayayat sa kakahabol sayo? ilang patpatin na ba ang nakabuhat ng grand piano dahil minahal ka nila?

Nakakatawang isipin at pagtanda siguro natin mahirap paniwalaan, na minsan sa buhay ng batang iyon, ikaw ang naging tampok ng kanyang mga pangarap.

Minsan naman sadyang dumadating sa mga relasyon yung pagkakataon na kailangang bumitaw o mabitawan, makasakit o masaktan. Malas mo na nga lang kung ikaw yung iniwan pero hindi eh. Talagang masuwerte ka kasi ikaw yung nang-iwan. Pero kahit ganoon na nga ang papel mo, lalabas ka pa ring bida at dakila kasi sasabihin ng mokong na to, Hindi ko siya masisisi. Akonaman talaga ang may kasalanan.

Ayos!

Ilang utak na ba ang binabagabag mo gabi-gabi? Ilang nilalang na ang hindi nakakatulog sakaiisip sayo? Ilang mga mata na ang parang namagang fishball sa umaga dahil sa magdamag napag-iyak sa alaala mo?

Alam mo ba na para kang bubblegum sa bumbunan nung taong mahal na mahal ka? Pilit na kinukutkot pero sa huli malagkit pa rin. Para kang mantika sa platong hindi maalis-alis kahit nakalimang banlaw na lalo na kung walang Joy Ultra Calamansi. Para kang monthly period na after three days akala wala na pero may taghabol pa pala.

Isa man yan, o isang barkada, maswerte ka pa rin. Hindi ba nakakataba ng puso ang malamang may isang nilalang na iinom ng isang shot ng nana at isang kilong taba para lang sayo? Na kahitlasunin mo ng racumin, para pa ring tutang susunod sayo.

Kung ganon pwede ka nang lumundag mula sa Eiffel Tower at makakasigurado kang sa langit pa rin ang bagsak mo dahil may isang nilalang na makikipagbargain kay satanas para sa kaluluwa mo.

Sabihin mo nang hindi ka naman ganon; nainiiwan ka rin at nasasaktan; na hindi moginustong magpakapraning sila sayo; na hindi ka ganon kalupit at karahas; na may puso ka ringmamon.

Pero wala kang magagawa.

Wala akong magagawa.

Wala silang magagawa.

MAHAL KITA EH...THAT'S LIFE!!

Frog Prince Charming?

You've got to accept the fact that life isn't a fairy tale… things aren't always happily ever after.

Things like magic wishes, Prince Charmings and true love don't happen in real life. Magic wishes come from money, Prince Charming's a shallow idiot with a bad haircut and overpriced clothes.

And true love?

Ha, true love is one-sided, Ace. You love her, she loves someone else. She loves you, you love someone else.

Never quite works out does it?

So you end up with some actor pretending to be your true love.

Real considerate of someone to let you know reality was like that before being thrown into it.

'If you wish, it'll happen.' Well, wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up faster.

Welcome to reality.

Enjoy your stay.