Autopsy on a Spoiled Girlfriend

No cracks, no fractures, no missing bones whatsoever.

Taxi cabs were her favorite way to go around the city. The boyfriend would open the car door for her and assist her while getting off the vehicle. She would take his offered hand like a princess getting off a lovely carriage. She would tell his boyfriend, "That's what boyfriends are for." Her boyfriend would nod in approval, kiss her on her forehead and smile. Her every step was watched. Her boyfriend is her safety scout. Sweet.

"If you don't take care of me, I'll break up with you."


No pulled, strained muscles.

She did not suffer from any forms of fatigue. Her life was a bliss. No need to rush to a convenient store to grab a midnight snack. Her boyfriend would offer his phone and she would call the delivery hotline. And on those days when it was not possible to have the food delivered, he would buy it himself, not minding the time nor the weather. No need to go to a spa to relax. He would light an essence lamp and ask her to lay on her tummy. He would then sooth her tired muscles using his bare hands. He was not really good at this but it pleased her. "That's what boyfriends are for," she would think.

"Buy me food, or else I'll break up with you."


Perfect condition, from mouth to the intestines.

She was well-fed. Where to eat, what to eat.. it was her choice. Her every craving was satisfied. He would also introduce her to restaurants and plates she had never tried before. She would think it was fantastic. She would gain weight and think that was her boyfriend's fault. He would smile and tell her that how attractive she still was. Compliments. That's what boyfriends are for.

"Tell me I'm the prettiest or we're through."


Clean lungs. Healthy heart.

There was no way second-hand smoke could have harmed her. He was not a smoker. He lived a healthy life and so did she. He would take her to the country side and she would enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. He had to suspend several business trips so they could go together. Because according to her, that's what boyfriends are for.

"Let's go, or I'll find another boyfriend to take me there."


No signs of depression.

Hers was a worry-free life. Before she could even detect the problem, he already resolved it for her. She was trained not to care, not to worry about almost everything. Worrying was his job. That's what boyfriends are for. He would be sick but he would tell her not to worry. He would buy and take his medicines all by himself. She would be sick and he would worry to death. A simple migraine and he would panic.

"Make the pain go away, or you'll lose me."


She was in perfect health the night he left her and yet she was found dead the following morning.

WANTED: PERFECT LOVER

Initially, I really didn’t want to answer this question because I think it’s too cheesy. But since I am always being asked of what I am looking for in a guy, I might as well describe eight different points of what I think a male perfect lover should be.

Besides, who knows, he might get to read this blog.

Here it goes...

1) He's gotta be grown-up. Does he do what needs to be done? Does he know what needs to be done to begin with? Is he responsible, trustworthy, and reliable? Can he admit when he's wrong? Does he take responsibilities for his words and actions? Most importantly, does he take charge of his life or is he one of those self-destructive victims who blame everyone but themselves for their unhappiness (In that case, he can look elsewhere).

2) He must be funny and imaginative. I like guys who laugh easily, and who aren't afraid to be silly and spontaneous. He must know how to make me laugh and he should smile often. He and I must be able to have fun anywhere we are, whether it's at a rock concert, or inside a theatre watching a horror movie, or a walk in the park, or bumming on a sofa, or at a 7-Eleven --- anywhere!

3) I simply cannot be with a boring person. He must be the type of person who enjoys conversation. Someone who always has a say on things. If I can talk to him for hours and hours straight, and be genuinely interested in what he's saying the entire time, then that's 50 pogi-points. But he must also enjoy being silent.

4) Passion is sexy. He has to be passionate about something --- be it sports, music, art, anything, theatre, movies, books --- so long as I can tell his heart is in it, and his eyes light up when he brings it up, and he can talk about it like life is not worth living without it. (Note: this does not hold true for drugs, alcohol, pornography... you get the idea)

5) He must have direction in his life. Ok, so maybe he's in his twenties and going through confusion. Maybe he doesn't have to know exactly what he wants to do. But in the meantime, I would at least like him to be actively searching for what he wants to do, and not just bumming around watching TV or playing computer games at home.

6) What makes me fall in love is not perfection but imperfection --- little quirks that define a person's personality and character. I don't want perfect taste in clothes. I just want him to dress like himself, whoever that is. I don't want perfectly neat hair, or perfect skin. I like my men touchable, real, comfortable with themselves, and yes, a little messy, and scruffy, and madungis. ;-) It's just personal preference.

7) It is important to me that he has a spiritual life. This is not about being Catholic. This is about believing in a transcendent being, a belief that there is something beyond all this that we must strive for. I want him to pray, not just the Hail-Holy-Mary kind of praying, but real praying. It's okay if he's not entirely sure what he believes in yet, as long as he's searching.

8) Last but not the least, I would like him to be the kind of person who cares about humanity. I want him to be kind, and compassionate and capable of making good moral decisions. He must love his family and he must learn to love the people I love, or at least understand why I love them. He must have a cause, and a desire to make a difference. Ok, he doesn't have to save the world, but I do want him to have other ambitions besides getting rich, buying a nice house, and a nice car.

Anyone qualified?

Who wants to apply? Send me your updated resume. =)