People Are People

Anong bahagi ba ng tao ang totoong sya? Anong bahagi mo ba ang ikaw? Kung paghiwa-hiwalayin ang iba’t ibang parte ng tao, ano kaya sa mga ito ang magrerepresenta sa kanya? Sya ba ang utak o ang puso? Sya kaya ang baga o di kaya’y ang atay? Sya kaya ang apdo o ang bituka?

Nagtatanong lang naman.

Naisip ko kasing parating puso at utak lang ang nababanggit kapag pag ibig na ang napapag usapan, o di kaya’y kapag kailangang gumawa ng isang mahalagang desisyon. Ibig bang sabihin nito’y alin lang sa dalawa ang tao, ang puso o ang utak?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang utak, paano ang mga bobo, mahina din ba ang pagkatao nila? Paano ang mga baliw? Kulang din ba sa katinuan ang kanilang pagkatao? Kung maaksidente ka at mabagok ang iyong ulo? May lamat na ba ang pagkatao mo nun? Paano ang mga makalilimutin? Uliyanin din ba ang pagkatao nila?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang puso, paano kung magpa heart transplant sya? Hindi na ba sya yon? Mahina kaya ang pagkatao ng mga taong may sakit sa puso? Kung ipinanganak ang isang sanggol na may butas sa puso, butas din ba ang kanyang pagkatao?

Kung ang tao ay hindi ang kanyang utak o puso, sino sya?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang buhok, panot din ba ang pagkatao ng mga taong kalbo? Magulo din ba ang pagkatao ng mga kulot? Maputi din ba ang pagkatao ng mga matatanda?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang ngipin, kulang kulang ba ang pagkatao ng mga taong bungal? Mabaho ba ang pagkatao ng mga may bad breath? Hindi ba totoo ang pagkatao ng mga may pustiso?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang mata, malabo din ba ang pagkatao ng mga taong hindi malinaw ang paningin? Apat din ba ang pagkatao ng mga naka salamin? Blue din ba ang pagkatao ng mga naka contacts? Mapula ba ang pagkatao ng mga taong may sore eyes? At madumi din ba ang pagkatao ng mga taong may muta?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang baga, may spotting din ba ang pagkatao ng mga may TB? Mausok din ba ang pagkatao ng mga nagyoyosi?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang balat, maitim ba ang pagkatao ng mga negro? maputi ang mga mestizo? at madilaw ang mga intsik? Magaspang ba ang pagkatao ng mga may buni at an-an?

Kung ang tao ay ang kanyang boobs (para sa mga babae), malaki ba ang pagkatao ng mga may malaking hinaharap at nakadapa ba ang pagkatao ng mga models? Silicone ba ang pagkatao ng mga nagpa augment?

Kung ang tao ay ang ari ng babae, ibig bang sabihin nito ay napapasok ng isang lalaki ang pagkatao ng isang babae habang nagtatalik? Dinudugo din ba ang pagkatao ng taong may regla?

Kung ang tao ay ang ari ng lalake, supot ba ang pagkatao ng mga hindi tuli? Matigas ba ang pagkatao ng mga pervert? Ibig bang sabihin nito ay naisusubo ng isang babae o ng isang lalake ang pagkatao ng isang lalakeng kanilang bino blow job? Nilalabasan din ba ang pagkatao ng isang taong nag cum?

Kung mag donate ako ng isang parte ng aking katawan sa iba, kulang na ba ang pagkatao ko o mas lalong nabuo? Kung ibigay ko ang aking kidney sa iyo, ikaw ba ay ako na din? O ako ang naging ikaw?

Sa aking palagay ang tao ay higit pa sa pinagsama samang parte ng katawan. Higit pa sa iba’t ibang body systems. Higit pa sa combination ng kanyang mga buto o ugat. Sa aking palagay, ang tao ay ang kanyang mga pangarap at karanasan. Sya ay ang kanyang mga hangarin at layunin sa buhay. Sya ang kanyang prinsispyo at mga paniniwala. Sya ay ang kanyang mga kapatid, mga kaibigan, mga kaaway. Sya ay ang kanyang mga magulang, ang kanyang ina at ama.

Ang tao ay ang kanyang damdamin.

Ang tao ay ang kanyang kaluluwa.

Ang tao ay ang kanyang misyon sa buhay.

Ang tao ay tao.

Ikaw, sino ka bang talaga?

Happy but Wrong? or Right but Sad?

Isa na namang text message ang natanggap ko galing sa isang kaibigan. Ang sabi sa message: “If you were to make the biggest decision of your life, what would you rather be? Happy but wrong? or right but sad?”

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko makita ang sense ng message na ito pero dahil nagtanong sya, sasagutin ko na lang din. Apat lang naman ang salitang napapaloob sa tanong --- happy, sad, right at wrong. Kung tutuusin dapat ay madali mo lang masasagot ito lalo na kung kilala mo ang iyong sarili. Pero bago ko ibigay ang aking opinion, subukan muna nating i-define ang apat na salitang ginamit ng nagtanong base sa kung paano ito inilarawan ni Merriam Webster.

Right: acting in accord with divine or moral law: free from guilt or sin

Wrong: an injurious, unfair, or unjust act, action or conduct inflicting harm without due provocation or just cause. A violation or invasion of the legal rights of another.

Happy: enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment

Sad: affected with or expressive of grief or unhappiness: downcast

Ngayong alam na natin ang ibig sabihin ng mga salita, paano mo sasagutin ang tanong? Pipiliin mo bang maging mali pero masaya ka naman o mas pipilin mo na lang na gawin ang tama kahit ang kapalit nito ay ang iyong kalungkutan?

Nag iisip ka pa rin? Hindi mo pa din alam?

Kung ako ang iyong tatanungin, sa kahit ano pa mang sitwasyon, sa kahit ano pa mang panahon, at sa kahit sino pa man ang kasangkot, lagi at paulit ulit ko pa ring gagawin kung ano ang sa palagay ko ay tama. Subalit, hindi ako sumasang ayon na ito ay magdudulot sa akin ng kalungkutan.

.

Una, naniniwala ako na sa paggawa lamang ng tama o sa tingin natin ay tama, ang natatangi at tiyak na makapagbibigay sa atin ng saya. Paanong magiging masaya ang isang tao kung alam nya na gumawa sya ng masama sa iba man o sa kanyang sarili? Take note, ang sabi ko ay kung alam nya na masama ang kanyang ginawa sa sarili man o sa kapwa. Labas dito kung ang desisyng iyon ay nakasakit sa kanya o sa iba.

Bakit kamo?

Dahil hindi naman natin kontrolado ang mararamdaman ng iba. Kung tayo ay mag desisyon at sa huli ay makasakit, hindi natin ito ginawa para intensyonal na makasakit ng iba. Ang sakit na kanilang naramdaman ay ang reaksyon nila sa kung ano mang bagay ang nasabi o nangyari. Halimbawa, nakipaghiwalay ka sa iyong syota. Nasaktan sya at nagalit dahil para sa kanya ay hindi sapat ang iyong dahilan. Kung nakipaghiwalay ka dahil iyon ang alam mong tama para sa inyong dalawa, naging masama ka na bang tao dahil sya ay nasakatan? Noong magdesisyon ka bang makipaghiwalay, ano sa dalawang tanong na ito ang iyong sinagot? Una, ano kaya ang mas makabubuti para sa aming relasyon? o Paano ko ba masasaktan ang taong ito, gusto ko talaga sya makitang umiyak? Hindi ba’t malimit ay ang unang tanong naman ang ating sinasagot. Bibihira lang naman siguro ang taong gigising sa umaga at magtatanong ng, paano kaya ako makakasakit ng tao ngayon o paano ko kaya sasaktan ang aking sarili? Hindi ba’t magiging masaya pa rin tayo dahil alam natin, sa kaibuturan ng ating mga puso na tama ang ating ginawang desisyon.

Kung ang isang bagay ay alam nating mali subalit atin pa ding ginawa, sa tingin mo ba ito’y makakapagpasaya sa atin? Na ito’y tunay na makakapagpasaya sa atin? Totoo kayang pwede maging “wrong but happy” ang isang tao? Kung alam mong masama ang pumatay at pumatay ka ng iyong kaibigan, magiging masaya ka kaya? Kung lumaki ka na alam mong mali ang hindi gumalang sa matatanda, ang pambabastos mo kaya ay magdudulot sa iyo ng kasiyahan? Kung alam mong masama mag droga pero ginawa mo pa din, kung alam mong masama magnakaw pero kumuha ka ng gamit ng iba, kung alam mong masama manloko pero nagtaksil ka sa iyong kasintahan, kung alam mong masama ang hindi magsabi ng totoo pero nagsinungaling ka sa iyong mga magulang, magiging masaya ka kaya?

Ikaw lang ang makasasagot sa mga tanong na iyan.

Ang alam ko, sabi nila, kung ano ang bawal yun ang masarap. Take note, masarap pero hindi naman masaya. Maaaring habang ginagawa mo ang isang bagay na mali o bawal ay nasasarapan ka pero sa huli hindi ibig sabihin nito na mkapagdudulot din ito sa iyo ng saya.

Huwag nating lokohin ang ating mga sarili. Huwag nating bigyan ng justification ang lahat para lamang magawa natin ang mga bagay na sa una pa lang ay alam na nating mali. Huwag sana nating gamiting dahilan ang sayang maibibigay sa atin ng paggawa ng hindi wasto sa kapwa at sa sarili.

Kung kaya’t hindi ako naniniwalang may taong “right but sad”. Para sa akin, wala itong kabuluhan sapagkat ang taong gumagawa ng tama ay parating masaya, Maaaring malungkot sya pansamantala dahil nasaktan sya o nakasakit pero sa huli’y saya pa rin ang idudulot ng paggawa ng tama. Halimbawa, nakipagrelasyon ka sa may asawa na, napag isip isip mong mali ang iyong ginagawa kaya’t pinili mo na lang na makipaghiwalay. Natural na masakatan ka, pero dahil sa alam mong tama ang iyong ginawa, hindi ba’t sa huli ay magiging masaya ka din? Ito sana ang nais kong maintindihan mo, ang mga taong nasasaktan ay hindi naman ibig sabihing hindi masaya. Ang isang taong nahihirapan ay hindi ibig sabihing malungkot.

Pero hindi ba’t may nagsabi din na happiness daw is a choice. Tama naman. May punto ang nagsabi noon. Pero hindi bat loneliness is a choice din. Kung gayon pwede kang maging right but happy o di kaya’y right but sad. Pwede ka ding maging wrong but happy o di kaya’y wrong but sad ayon sa paniniwala mo.

Samakatuwid, kung ang tanong ay ganito, ano ang gagawin mo, yung tama o yung mali? Hindi ba’t mas madaling sagutin, syempre yung tama. Pero kapag nadagdagan na ng kung ano ang pwedeng idulot nito sa atin gaya ng kasiyahan o kalungkutan, mas mahirap na dahil wala namang ni isa sa atin na gustong maging malungkot.

Ang paggawa ng tama, mali man sa mata ng iba ay tama pa rin. Ang paggawa ng tama magdulot man ng sakit sa sarili o sa iba ay tama pa din. Sa huli, pagbali-baliktarin mo man ang mundo, subukan mo mang ibalik ang panahon, o di kaya’y itigil ang oras, ang tamang iyong nagawa kahapon ay tama pa din ngayon at tama pa din bukas.

Ikaw, “If you were to make the biggest decision of your life, what would you rather be? Happy but wrong? or right but sad?”

The Curious Case of Marvin Garcia

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And what do you get at the end of it?

Death.

What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm.

Now, that’s more like it. =)

Napanood ko ang “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” noong Sabado. Ang haba ng pelikula. Tatlong oras din yata akong nag isip kung paano ito matatapos. Kung ang katapusan nga ba ang simula o ang simula ang katapusan. Maraming nagsabi sa akin na ang pelikula daw ay tungkol sa kamatayan pero matapos ko itong mapanood, sa palagay ko’y mas tungkol ito sa buhay.

Madami-dami din naman akong nailuha habang pinapanood ko ito. Nakakahiya man sa nakakita o nakarinig sa akin ay wala na akong paki alam. Basta’t hinahayaan ko lang pumatak ang luha ko sa mga eksenang naisin nitong pumatak. Naisip ko, ano mang katapusan ay nagdudulot naman talaga sa atin ng kalungkutan. Kapag may nagpaalam, pag-ibig na natapos, kaibigang lumayo o di kaya’y mahal sa buhay na pumanaw. Ang tema ng paghihiwalay ay laging nag iiwan ng kurot sa ating mga puso.

Kung ako ang iyong tatanungin, maganda ang pelikula. Kung may panahon ka, panoorin mo ito. Ito ay sumasalamin sa katotohanan, pagpapatawad, pagmamahal at pagtanggap --- sa sarili at sa kapwa, sa mga kahinaan at lakas, sa mga kalabisan at mga pagkukulang.

Sa kalagitnaan ng pelikula, naisip ko, anong buhay nga ba ang mas may kabuluhan? Ang batang tumatanda sa paglipas ng panahon o ang matandang bumabata habang tumatakbo ang oras? May pagkaka iba kaya? Mas marami bang maaaring matutunan ang isang taong bumabata kaysa sa isang taong nag kaka edad?

Ipinanganak si Benjamin Button na isang sanggol na animo’y may kung anong karamdaman. Ang itsura nya ay maihahalintulad sa isang taong may edad na 70. Namatay ang kanyang ina habang sya ay isinisilang. At dahil nga sa hindi pangkaraniwan ang kanyang itsura ay iniwan sya ng kanyang sariling ama sa hagdanan ng isang gusaling kumukupkop sa mga taong matatanda. Dalawang uri ng pagmamahal ang makikita natin dito.

Una, pagmamahal ng isang ina sa kanyang anak na sukdulang ibigay ang sariling buhay para lamang mailabas sya sa mundong ibabaw. Napakaganda ng sinabi ng ina ni Benjamin sa asawa nito, “Please make sure you keep him safe.” Hanggang sa huling hininga ng kanyang ina ay kapakanan pa ng kanyang anak ang kanyang iniisip. Sa eksenang ito, masasabi kong si Benjamin na marahil ang pinaka swerteng sanggol na ipinanganak.

Pangalawa, ay ang pagmamahal na ipinakita ng kanyang ama. Naisip ko, mahal nya kaya talaga ang kanyang anak? Ginawa nya kaya talaga kung ano ang sa tingin nya ay makabubuti para dito? Hindi naman nya ito pinatay, subalit hindi rin naman nya ito inalagaan. Ang sa akin lang, ang pagmamahal ay laging katuwang ng pagtanggap. Nakakalungkot isipin na ang sarili nyang ama ay hindi sya natanggap sa simula pa lang. Nakakalungkot na hindi sya binigyan ng pagkakataong mapatunayan kung ano ang kaya nyang gawin. Nakakalungkot na sya ay hinusgahan base sa panlabas na kaanyuan. Paano natin maaasahang maintindihan tayo ng lipunan kung ang sarili nating mga tahanan, na syang dapat magtuturo sa atin ng pangunawa at pagmamahal, ay agad na tayong tinalikuran?

Kung binasa ko ang librong “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” marahil ay nabagot ako. May mga eksena kse dito tungkol sa World War II. Ewan ko ba, pero hindi lang siguro talaga ako ganun kainteresado sa mga giyera at digmaan.

Sa pag unawa sa buhay, naisip kong hindi naman importante kung tumanda ka o bumabata habang nagtatagal. Ang importante ay natuto kang magbigay, magmahal, magpatawad at magparaya. Ang mahalaga ay bumabangon ka sa bawat pagkakadapa at natututong mangarap muli sa bawat pagkabigo.

Sa huli, tumatanda man ang isang tao o bumabata, ang lahat ay mauuwi rin naman sa pinaka pinal na yugto ng buhay --- kamatayan. Pero ano nga ba ang kamatayan? Isang katapusan? Hindi ba’t ito ay panibagong simula rin lang naman. Panibagong simula para sa namaalam at panibagong simula para sa kanyang mga naiwan.

Ang lahat ay totoong hiram lamang --- ang oras, pamilya, kaibigan, kalusugan, karunungan, kayamanan. Lahat, pagdating ng takdang oras ay kukuhanin din sa atin. Ang mahalaga ay natuto tayong pahalagahan ang lahat ng ito habang tayo ay nabubuhay. Ang mahalaga ay naibahagi natin sa iba ang mga biyayang sa atin ay ipinagkaloob. At higit na mahalaga ay natuto tayong igalang at mahalin ang ating mga sarili gayun din ang ating kapwa.

Komplikado ang buhay. Habang higit mo itong pilit na iniintindi ay lalo mo itong hindi naiintindihan. Naisip ko lang, kapag nilisan na kaya natin ang mundong ito, baon kaya natin ang ating mga alala o maging iyon ay kukunin din sa atin? Kung kuhanin ang lahat sa atin, dapat ba tayong maging malungkot o dapat ba tayong maging masaya dahil minsan ito ay sa atin?

Napaka hiwaga talaga ng buhay. Lahat ng ating pinagdadaanan ay nagmumulat sa atin sa mga panibagong katanungan na pilit naman nating hahanapan ng mga bagong kasagutan.

Sa huli, lahat naman ay mauuwi rin talaga sa pagmamahal. At pwede lang tayong mangarap na totoong mahal nga natin ang ating mga sarili, na mahal natin kung ano tayo ngayon --- bunga ng lahat ng ating mga pinagdaanan.Kung totoong mahal natin an gating mga sarili, magawi man tayo sa dulo ng walang hanggan, hindi na natin kailangan pang matakot dahil sat nay na pagmamahal maaari na tayong lumipad.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Dreams.

Dreams are what people live for. Dreams are what people die for. Without dreams our existence would be but a meaningless joke played on us by indifferent powers.

Each day we conceive a multitude of dreams. Most of them we forget shortly after, others we discard as not possible on this world, but there are those precious few that we keep in our mind and mull over in hope of fulfilling them one day.

These dreams we bottle up and store away for the time being when their fulfilling will be possible. Much like wine, we put them with great care in the darkest corners of our souls, so that they won't disturb our every-day life, and sometimes forget about them --- to find them again at unexpected moments of life.

Why do we do that --- why not fulfilling them right away?

Who knows --- human beings are peculiar creatures. Maybe we are afraid to fail and get hurt. Maybe we are afraid that the fragile fabric of the dream will shatter on the cold face of reality. Or perhaps we believe that now is not the right moment and decide to wait for a more favorable time.

But storing dreams is a risky practice. Many times when we deem the moment appropriate, we dig the dream-bottle up, open it --- sometimes to share with others, sometimes to enjoy on our own --– and wait for a genie to come out and make the dream real, only to find out that the dream-wine has turned sour and is no longer fit for use, or that the bottle has been cracked and the dream has faded. At other times we shatter the bottle in our hurry, eagerness and inexperience and watch the precious substance spill and vaporize through our fingers, while we desperately try to cling to some of it.

And yet there are times when we manage to open the bottle and we offer to share the contents with another but find that this person prefers not to drink, or we find out that the dream has lost its appeal and is not what we thought of it at all --- after all, it has been a long while since we have seen the insides of that bottle.

At time like these, all you left to do is to realize that this dream is gone and a chapter of your life symbolized by that dream is closed. Life is constantly changing, eternally fluid and never stops in its tracks – and you have to adapt to its currents or be dragged underwater and fade away like smoke in strong wind. Find another dream, any dream, pursue it with fervor and do not let the momentary downfall put you on hold.

Dear friends of mine, I wish you to have no such moments of bitter realization –-- and if you cannot avoid it, may they be as few as possible and fleeting as such. Even in the darkest hour, remember that there are always those who are ready to aid you, if only you were to ask for their help.

Know that everything is for the best, after all, and shattered dreams may transform from mere illusions into something stronger and beneficial --- or give birth to altogether new things.

May each change prove easy on you.

Magkano bang pag-ibig mo? Pag-iipunan ko.

The Best Things in Life ay libre...

Wise men say that the best thing in life is to give love... and receive it. They weren't lying when they said that happiness is free. Money can't buy you love... as the old song goes...

The best things in life are free...

I think contrary to common assumptions, people are more averse to receiving love than giving it. And similar to all great equations, once incomplete and unresolved, love (like everything else) fails. Most of us unconsciously feel that we don't deserve love. We think that if we give in and let it sink in, we'll become too mushy... too soft... too VULNERABLE.

But isn't love supposed to fortify? Isn't it there to strengthen our bonds?

Love connects us all.

Between you and me, I don't get why people push away the people who love them. (Deep down, our brains are somehow fooling us that we are too corrupted to deserve love... or we are too scared that the other person loves us too much, and we can't give the same amount of love in return. Don't you think this wrong? Love is there to be given. And, as the song says, it's free.) We rely too much on sight, I believe. We always trust what we see. But sight is the easiest to fool of all the senses. Why can't people trust what they feel?

Have they been burned before? Have they been hurt so bad that they don't want to love again? Or feel loved?

These are the types who alienate themselves from society... and trust is a valuable commodity. If we want others to trust us, we must learn how to trust them too. Even if we're unsure, even if we're in the dark... sometime, somewhere, there'd be hands waiting to catch us before we fall.

It's not always guaranteed... this life doesn't come with a warranty.

But we live once. We gamble.

And maybe, if we try hard enough... if we wait long enough... and we invest enough time, effort, blood, and tears... we could hit the jackpot.

Open your eyes. Maybe we should do the opposite. Let's close them. And hope against hope that the next time we fall... there'd be hands waiting to catch us.

I still believe that the best things in life are free.

You can’t buy love.

If you want to buy love, buy a puppy.

Faggot

Fags.

Do you know where the word comes from?

The bundles of sticks that homosexuals were forced to carry. Their own fags in fact, as they marched to be burned for something they couldn’t help.

You know who else they burned? Witches. And didn’t we prove that one wrong too? Did those innocent people deserve to die?

No.

And even though no one’s being burned anymore, they’re being hated. They’re being discriminated against. They’re being bashed. They’re being forced into hiding.We talk about how much society has advanced and evolved in recent years and decades, but how far have we really come? Still forcing people to hide who they are and renounce themselves, punishing them for what they can’t help.

It’s the silent genocide. (Day of silence anyone?) They’re not being killed, no. But they’re being killed inside. They’re killing themselves.

Why?

Some are taught that what they are is wrong. They hate themselves that much. Others because everyone around them gives them odd looks or insults them, ignores them, and bashes them.

‘You are so GAY!’

Well, what if I am? What’s wrong with that? Can’t I be myself anymore? My parents, my teachers, all those cheesy books on self-esteem, they all told me to be myself. So I’m doing exactly that. And now you want me to be something else?

I’m confused. Screw you.

But it’s not that easy just to ignore the fire from all sides. Because above it all, more than wanting to be accepted, more than wanting to be open and proud, you want to be accepted. Accepted by your peers, your friends, your family.

You know it’s true. ‘Of course we know how to dress. We’ve been in the closet for centuries.’ Funny, harmless, but if you look deeper, as with most things, it’s not as innocent as it seems. Yes, exactly that. ‘Been in the closet for centuries.’

And aren’t we still? You tell me.

You tell me.

Because I don’t think I can deal with all this anymore.

The Spleen Monologues

Here's something to start my week with. It's an excerpt from Jessica Zafra's Spleen Monologues. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I have.

I am often asked: What is your problem?

Let me ask you the same question: What is your problem?

When you look in the mirror you will feel a deep, unquenchable discontent because no matter what products or services you buy, you will never, ever look the way the TV commercials and magazines say you should. The cosmetics, fashion. health and fitness industries are sustained by your eternal dissatisfaction and the pernicious self-loathing that is called "self-improvement."

You work for a person you do not respect, whose main qualification is that he is related or somehow connected to the powers that be in your professional universe. You take orders from someone of lesser ability, who criticizes your work because he knows that you know he doesn't deserve his position, and dammit, just because he can. The promotion that should've gone to you goes to someone whose ability to suck up to the boss would shame the most powerful vacuum cleaner. You stay in a job you hate, among the people you can't stand, because you have bills to pay and a lifestyle you have to maintain whether or not you actually like it.

You receive advice you don't want from people who say that they care about you and have your best interests at heart, but are actually using you to delude themselves that their lives are wonderful. (They need you more than you need them, ever think of that? Without poor little you to give advice to, who would they be superior to?)

You are considered a loser because you refuse to compromise your standards and settle for whoever is willing and available. You are called immature by people who jumped on the first warm body that happened along because they were afraid to be alone.

You are judged not on your merits but on externals. Your clothes. Your car. Your looks. Your possessions. Your address. Your friends, the people you claim to be your friends, the people you think are your friends. The club you belong to. You are defined by the furnishings in your house, the model of your car, the version of your software, the size of your cellphone, the labels of your clothes, the restaurants you dine in, the television sitcoms you watch, the new spiritual philosophies you subscribe to. "This is you," the salesperson say with a cloying smile, holding up a product worth exactly one-fiftieth its price, and somewhere in the back of your mind you know that this is not you, but you take out your credit card and bury yourself deeper in debt because you can't afford not to buy what everyone else is buying. Better to be in the hock than to be different. There is safety in numbers.

You are under pressure to follow trends which, in the minute they become trends, are on their way to obsolescence. You are required to eat food that is supposed to make you live longer, but which is so tasteless you wonder why people would want to live longer. You get rid of being called Fatty, so you follow diets and exercise regimens to lose weight, when it is a fact of life that you will gain all the weight back and more.

You see stupidity, self-delusion and arrogance everywhere you turn.

When people say "Be yourself," they mean you should be more like them. When they say "It's ok to be different" they neglect to add, "But not too different".

And when you vent your anger, people shrug their shoulders and say, "That is the way things are, there's nothing you can do about it".

Between you and me, I'm the happy one.

Only remind you of “you”

Always remind yourself that love is a wonderful feeling and experience and should not be generalized based on your past experiences. Do not use facts about your ex as a way to judge new people in your life.

Leave your past behind you and focus on moving ahead. Get to know new people for who they are, not by comparing them to others, what they are not, or what they could be.

Once you have observed their personality, values and everything else, trust yourself to make the right decisions without constantly doubting yourself.

If you wish to try having a new relationship, then do so. If you do not however, then do not feel guilty to kindly walk away from the situation. You would be doing both you and the other a person a huge favor and saving time and emotions from being hurt. You have nothing to fear or worry about.

After all, there will always be one person who will always love you, appreciate who you are and be there for you… and that is YOU.

Spotlight on a spotless mind

They once said that everyone has a moment in his history which belongs particularly to him. Just him alone…

There will come a time when the spotlight will be focused on one single person… one single soul… All eyes will be on him… everyone will feel his heart beating… the world will suddenly stop for him at that very instance…

It is the moment when his emotions achieve their most powerful sway over him, and afterward when you say to this person 'the world today' or 'life' or 'reality' he will assume you mean this moment, even if it is fifty years past.

I am having that moment now…

Or am I??

Because this could just be one of those days…

I don’t know if I like it. I feel like giving up… to fold up my dreams and put them away.

Then… from somewhere inside… there comes a song of courage and we know we can never give up.

I can’t…

I won’t.

Him1 and Him2, do you know them?

If you saw him1, you couldn't see him1 loving anyone like he does him2, a boy who never has anything but a smile on his face when he's talking to him2 and how there was no place he would rather be.

If you saw him2, you would see a guy whose heart melts with the sound of his voice, and smile on his face, a guy who wouldn't love any other like him1, no one can take his place.

If you saw them, you would see two people who couldn't be any happier just being next to each other, two people in love, him1 and him2, two people not thinking of another.

If you knew him1, you would know, he's scared of being with him2, he's afraid of feelings he can't show.

If you knew him2, you would know, he doesn't let that stand in his way… he hangs on for the both of them, no matter what he may say.

If you knew them, you would know, they are so far apart, losing sight of how they feel, two people drifting from the heart.

And, if you knew love, you would see, those two are right for each other...

Him1 and Him2, those two are meant to be.

And hey Him1, I still believe in you and me.

Did You Know That...

Did you know that when you envy someone, it's because you really like that person?

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart are real weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: I love you, Sorry and help me? The people who say these are actually in need of them or really feel them, and are the ones you really need to treasure, because they have said them.

Did you know that people who occupy themselves by keeping others company or helping others are the ones that actually need your company and help?

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that those who need more of you are those that don't mention it to you?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself, if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold.

AND DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON ME?

AT THE MOMENT, TIME AND PLACE THAT YOU NEED ME, CALL ME, I WILL BE THERE.

One day, we will change the world... or we are already changing it.

THE BALL IS NOW IN YOUR COURT...

If the world were to end in 24 hours, all the phone lines, chat rooms and e-mails will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying: "I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem", take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".

Let's all make the most of today. =)

That I assume you already know. *wink*

Email and Microsoft

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email".

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.

The man replied, "I don't have an email."

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Technical Support

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Isthat normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says,"Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

It is not what it is

Most of us are preoccupied with things that in the final analysis will not count much. We waste our lives pursuing the wrong dreams fuelled by misguided visions. We are often obsessed with what we are not and what we don’t have.

Why don’t we focus instead on what we are and whatever we have, no matter how little? Why not spend our lives in fervent gratitude for these and celebrate life selflessly with others?

Life really depends on our priorities and points of view. Here are a few reminders to wake us up to what really matters:

It is not where you come from; it is where you’re going that matters.
Don’t worry where you are coming from. If you are already at the top, there is nowhere to go but down. But if you are coming from the bottom, there is a lot of space to grow. Where you come from is not so important; it is where you want to go and where you your dreams to take you that matters.

It is not what you have; it is how you use it.
You may have a brilliant mind but if you don’t harness it, it’s useless. You may have all the material possessions in the world but if you don’t enjoy and share them, you might as well have nothing. You may have all the talents in the world but if you don’t exploit them, they will be of no use to you and others. Thank the universe for the gifts you’ve been given, develop and utilize them to the max.

It is not what you say; it is what you do that counts.
What you say, even when expressed in the most profound words, means nothing if it is not followed by action. Everything you speak must be substantiated and supported by your deeds. Action speaks louder than words. Prove that believe in what you say by practicing what you preach. Walk the talk!

It is not what you do; it is how you do it that counts.
Even if you are just a lowly janitor, endeavor to be the best janitor that you can be. It is really how you go about what you do that makes all the difference. Perform your job with genuine joy and infectious enthusiasm, and soon, people will notice you and reward you. Furthermore, as they say, “It is not whether you win or lose but how you play the game.” Play the game with honesty, dignity and love.

It is not what you receive; it is what you give that counts.
In this life, we receive everything. But ironically, we cannot really keep anything. Everything belongs to God and we are merely His custodians for the moment. We must share whatever blessings we have with others. Anything hoarded is useless and will lose its value. We were born with nothing and cannot bring anything when we finally go.

It is not how much money you have; it is how you use and share it.
People often say, “When I get rich, I’ll be happy.” Truth is that there are many people who are filthy rich but are desperately miserable; there are people who live simpler lives but are actually so much happier. Money cannot buy true and lasting happiness. are the goods and services money can buy and experience insurmountable joy.

It is not the hardships you suffer; it is what you learn that matters.
Life is one big course and the universe one huge university. Every experience, good or bad, brings with it precious gems of knowledge and enlightenment. Concentrate on the life lessons that you learn from your travails, not the pain and the hardships they bring. The diploma you will earn from the school of life is wisdom.

It is not what’s on the outside but what’s inside that counts.
What good is a beautiful and attractively packaged box if there is nothing of value inside it? In this day and age, we put so much emphasis on packaging and presentation, not true worth. But just as we should not judge a book by its cover, we should never judge people from their looks alone. Get to know what’s inside that person---real treasures are found within.

It is not quantity but the quality that matters.
What good is accumulating many things when they have no real worth? So your life will not be stressed with clutter, be very discriminating about acquiring possessions. Be quality, not quantity conscious. The same hold true for time you share with your love ones and friends. Make sure to provide them quality time. These precious moments are what create a quality life.

It is not how you conform; it is the difference you make that counts.
Conforming to society is fine but only up to a certain degree. Don’t be controlled by other people and end up like puppet on a string moving to their dictates. Never lose your individuality and personal values. Remember that it is the positive difference you contribute to the world that will eventually matter.

It is not how old you are; it is how young you think, feel and dream.
Age only matters if you are wine cheese or an antique. Realize that you are never too old for anything in this world. Never too old to live, love, learn, lust and laugh. You are never too old to dream and achieve. As long as you are alive, hope springs eternal. Don’t ever get discouraged from climbing the impossible Mount Everest of your life.

It is not their life you are living; it’s your life and yours alone!
It is not what others say, it is what you feel and want that really matter. Live life with the awareness that your choices bring about consequences that you will either savor or suffer from. Live your life for yourself, for what you believe in, for what you value. But realize that your thoughts, feelings and actions have a crucial and irreversible impact on other people’s lives.

I believe we write our own stories and each time we think we know the end, we don't. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, of chance and in the peace that comes from knowing that you just can't know it all.

Life's funny that way... once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.

Have a Blessed and Fruitful weekend everyone!

I love you all!

Helpless Puppets

There are moments in your life that make you... that set the course for who you're going to be.

Sometimes they're little subtle moments.

Sometimes they're not…

Bottom line is even when you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. Nobody asks for his or her life to change.

Not really, but it does.

So what are we helpless Puppets?

No, the big moments are going to come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts...

That’s when you find out who you are.

Few Fries Short of a Happy Meal

There was a time that it never seemed to matter much…

No --- that’s not true –-- There was a time I deceived myself into thinking that it didn’t matter much; A time when I tried to be what everyone wanted me to be: Successful, wealthy, independent, helpful, knowledgeable…
How did I allow myself to lose everything I stood for… everything I wanted? When did I give up and give in?

Where did I go to be so far from reality?

Who was I kidding?

Maybe it was all me, afraid to face reality, afraid to face rejection, afraid to face loss and pain and emptiness…

Maybe I realized that I couldn’t be what I wanted, couldn’t be where I wanted, and couldn’t have what I needed…

Maybe I thought I could have my reality if I lived up to everyone else’s first…

Maybe I was just a fool…

Now reality is here and I can’t turn away. I can’t hide; can’t run fast enough or far enough. All the pain and loss, all of the wrong choices, all of the missed opportunities, all of the loneliness…

My reality envelops me, washes through every pore, and flows through me with more strength than my blood…

Pain, anger, fear, and longing have become so constant and omnipresent that I can no longer feel them individually or feel any other emotions at all. My reality pulls me down into that same abyss I have feared my whole life, But I still retain a faint glimmer of hope (fool that I am).

Truth, passion, joy, bonding, caring, love --– It seems so simple. Shouldn’t these things come to everyone? Why for others and not for me?

How can I live without the only things that really matter?

Who am I kidding?!

Why I drink Beer

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.

A leopard can't change his stripes and neither can a queer.

Brian Kinney: You stupid little twat, never let anyone fuck you without a condom.
Justin: You're not just anyone.
Brian Kinney: Yeah, I'm sure that's what Ben thought about the guy who infected him. Put it on me... I want you safe. I want you around for a long time.

Queer As Folk is a TV series that has changed the way I look at life, love, friends and sex. After seeing season one, I just knew that my life and my perspective would never be the same again.

My fascination with Queer As Folk started when my ex-boyfriend who works in a gay-lesbian oriented magazine introduced the TV series to me. Being the influential guy that he is, I quickly got interested into seeing the said TV flick.

Since then, I have been following the trail of events of this not so usual, groundbreaking series.

Michael Charles Novotny: I don't know how you do it, working all day, fucking all night.
Brian Kinney: Well they say in the vast emptiness of space, the faster you move, the slower you age. I have to believe the same holds true for Pittsburgh. You care to join me?
Michael Charles Novotny: You'll have to stay forever young without me.
Brian Kinney: I understand, you're in a committed relationship with your, what is that hideous expression? Significant other? Loser.

Queer As Folk is an innovative, provocative, and groundbreaking series that chronicles the friendships, careers, loves, trials, tribulations, and ambitions of a diverse group of gay men and lesbians living in Pittsburgh, PA. Blending strong drama with necessary charm and humor, Queer As Folk rivals any other show presented on television.

It provides viewers with a graphic & intense (and sometimes controversial) view of several different issues such as love, relationships, sex, friendship, personal highs & lows, and life in the gay and lesbian community.

Justin: [to his father] If you wanna hit me go right ahead. Because I'm not gonna cry like some little faggot. And if you wanna send me off to boarding school that's fine too. Because I bet more butt fucking goes on in boarding schools than in the back room of Babylon. But whatever you do, it doesn't matter. Because I'll still be your queer son.

A major part of the show's high likeability most definitely lies in its highly talented cast of characters; the comedic, boy-next-door Michael (Hal Sparks) and his charming boyfriend Ben (Robert Gant), the undeniably sexy and promiscuous Brian (Gale Harold), flamboyant and undaunted Emmett (Peter Paige), modest Ted (Scott Lowell), a "two steps forward, two steps back" kind of guy, and the young, talented, romance-crazed Justin (Randy Harrison).
Also adding the show's charm are its three resident ladies: Melanie (Michelle Clunie) & Lindsay (Thea Gill), a high-spirited and loveable lesbian couple raising a family together, and Debbie (Sharon Gless), Michael's ever-so-proud and delightful mother.

Ted: [on dating a guy who's HIV positive] It's like playing with fire. I mean... what if a condom breaks? Or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?
Brian: Or he shoots off his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass...

With its mix of loveable characters, captivating story lines, and undeniable charm, Queer As Folk has, over the years, definitely evolved into the compelling and ever-so-popular show it was destined to be.

We continue to learn every single day

Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I've had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got not to forget to laugh.

I've learned...

…That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

…That when you're in love, it shows. I’m in love. I have always been in love. =)

… That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

… That being kind is more important than being right.

…That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

… That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

… That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

…That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

… That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

… That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

… That money doesn't buy class and love and friends

.… That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

… That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

… That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

… That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

… That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

… That in love --- time heals all wounds.

… That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

… That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

… That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

… That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

… That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

… That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

… That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

… That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

… That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

… That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

… That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

… That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

… That it’s my dad’s birthday yesterday.

… That Kuya Cesar is already dead.

… That Chiz Escudero is leading the senatorial slate.

… That it’s already late and I need to sleep because we are leaving early tomorrow morning.

… That this blog entry is getting a little longer than I thought.

… That I have to end it right now. =)

In a nutshell: We can never stagnate in this life. There are just too many things to learn… and yes, lessons? --- There’s plenty for everyone…

I Know Better

I am not like that now.

I know better.

I know now that people lie, and promises can be broken as quick as they are made.

I understand that I might never be loved, and too quickly good things fly in front of my eyes before I can reach out and grab them.

I know that I can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. Also, there isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if I'm standing alone for awhile, that's why.

Not everything in life comes easy, but when I work the hardest, that's when it's the best.

I can't always expect people to care, and even when my best friends stab me in the front, I don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for my back. They missed for a reason.

I found out to soon, that in the end, I am my own best friend.

Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, its gonna hurt like hell. But I can't stop it. I can't change my fate.

Some things are meant to be and all the pain I go through will end up resulting in something huge. I don't know what it is and when it happens, it will hit me like a ton of bricks.

At some point, when I have experienced everything I can, the words 'Life' and 'Risk' won't mean anything to me anymore. But I won't try to change it. Stuff like that is meant to happen.

Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on me. And that happens because that's the way it supposed to be. But I'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter.

But it might catch me off guard and happen sooner.

So i better watch out.

I know better.

Really.

I do.