Merry-go-Round

I've made my mistakes.

I've had my ups and downs, my ins and outs, and definately my share of bad breaks. BUT when it's all said and done…

I'll raise a glass over my head and swear to God it's all been fun.

Sometimes I think I am not paying as much attention as I have to while I’m living my life. I know there are more important things than money, success, new cars, and all the material stuff I strive for. I should be enjoying my time here on earth with family, friends, and just plain making a difference in everyone's lives as much as I can.

I don't have to kill myself over work... of course I need to earn my bread each day but now that I actually think about it... why waste most of my precious time over something I’m gonna lose anyway?

You might say that I’m a dreamer, that there's a big and gaping hole in the way I think. You might say, "You can lose friends and family as much as you can lose your job."

You're wrong.

I can always find a job. The next one might not pay as much but it's still somewhere I could get my daily sustenance. With friends and family, it's different.

It's true that hearts can be broken, friendships forgotten... but (if you watched Meet Joe Black this will sound familiar) despite the pain and the abandonment, there is always a happy place you could go back to in your mind.

There you'll find a place full of pretty pictures; pictures you could take even when you're gone from this world.

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved.

The real milestones are less prepossessing.

They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave…

Our lives are measured by these…And if we can only learn to open our eyes, we have a handful.

The Day I was Reprimanded

I went home to Cavite last weekend as I always do to spend my rest days there. Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend, it seemed logical to be with my family during my rest days than to hang out in my apartment here in Makati alone.

While in the process of sorting my old college stuff, I saw the letter I wrote some 4 years ago addressed to our College Guidance Councilor. It was in response to her letter accusing me of being a “rude” student.

I admit that our guidance councilor and I have a rift that can be traced back when I won the Supreme Student Council elections beating the candidate from the college of nursing. For some strange reason, our guidance councilor seemed to favor her more over me. She even tried to talk to the representatives of the college of health and sciences (Radiologic Technology, Nursing, Physical Therapy and Medicine) and deliberately campaigned for her to ensure victory.

Although I do not have anything against the candidate from nursing, I felt it was very wrong for our guidance councilor to try to manipulate the results of the student body elections. As for me, it doesn’t really matter if I lose or win the elections.

If I win, that’s another accomplishment on my resume but if I lose, that will make my mom happy (she doesn’t want me to take any more responsibilities), give me all the time I need to focus on my studies and make life easier for me --- saving me from the numerous meetings and conferences that I have to attend to.

But in the end, the students have spoken… To my surprise, I won the elections. It was a landslide victory.

Weeks later, our guidance councilor conducted a survey in our class as a requirement to all graduating students. The following day I received a letter from her accusing me of being a rude student. Yes. She used the word “RUDE”. Her letter states that I need to send a response within 24 to 48 hours and if I fail to do so, I will be given a disciplinary action that would appear on my records forever and take me out of list of students running for cum laude.

I went home, talked to my parents about what happened, opened my computer and began typing this letter:


August 19, 2002
Office of the Guidance Councilor
De La Salle University Health and Sciences Campus


Dear Madam:

I was shocked upon receiving a letter handed to me by your secretary last Friday morning, August 17, 2002, regarding my “rude” behavior in class. I was shocked because this is the very first time I had been reprimanded for my behavior. I have always been commended, not rebuked; rewarded, not punished.

More so, I was shocked because I am not “rude” madam.

As a consolation to this “rude” student, you wrote a letter addressed to our beloved College Dean without even discussing the issue with me personally. I felt so disappointed by the sudden turn out of events. I studied at De La Salle University hoping that the school has a system in dealing with things concerning their students. But in this case, it seemed like you have forgotten to follow the step-by-step procedure.

Although it would have been better to personally talk to me and call my attention, which I would be more than willing to comply with, rather than sending a letter to the Dean, here is my letter in response to your request.

Before anything else, I would like to make a few clarifications:

First, it was not my intention to insult anybody, especially you, our well-respected guidance councilor. My behavior was an honest to goodness expression of what I was feeling that day. Prior to the survey conducted in our class, we were having a practice of our jingle which was to be presented Friday afternoon of the same week. We were having some problems with the said presentation but nevertheless; I was in a very good mood that day. I don’t remember ever being rude. My behavior was not even close to being rude. I was at all times, able to keep my moral and values. I was brought up by my parents to respect the elders whatever the situation be.

Second, I don’t have to consult good old Mr. Webster to clearly understand the word “rude”. My classmates can and are willing to attest that I did not, in any way, showed disrespect to you madam. My actions were not impolite, savage or uncivilized as what you allegedly claim them to be. My friends, teachers, and family are more than willing to prove that I am not a rude student should this issue reach the dean.

Third, I don’t think I need to have a refresher course on etiquette and good morals because as far as my memory serves me right, I have behaved and handled myself well last Thursday. I don’t remember ever answering back or texting while you were in front of the class. I don’t remember ever standing or shouting or commenting impolitely to what you were saying. Most of all, I don’t remember ever making a face that could have insulted you in any way. I sat quietly in my chair, listened to you and followed everything that you asked us to do.

Lastly, no one should dare accuse me that I had forgotten all the things that I have learned in the last concluded leadership seminar in Batulao, Batangas because what I’ve learned during the 2-day seminar will always be close to my heart. Whatever happened last Thursday is not sufficient basis to say that I had thrown away all the wonderful realizations that that seminar brought to my life.

Throughout my four-year stay in De La Salle University Health and Sciences Campus, I have committed myself to the promotion of academic excellence and excellence in terms of service, values and moral in the University. I have placed a very high premium on trumpeting DLSU’s achievements if only to instill a deep sense of pride among my fellow La Sallians. I accepted the position as Treasurer and Executive Chairman for Internal and External affairs of the Supreme Student Council with the hope that I could somehow act as a safeguard to the student’s resources. I have devoted my time in writing articles that would help uplift the mental, emotional and spiritual awareness of PT students. Thus, no one should dare accuse me of being rude to any member of this institution.

Meanwhile, if you wish to clarify matters with me, I am most willing to accommodate your inquiries.

Bless you madam.

With all due respect,

Marvin Voltaire Garcia
CPT-SC Treasurer
President, PT Chorale
Editor-in-chief, PT Progress Notes
Treasurer and Executive Chairman DLSU-HSC Supreme Student Council


2 days later, she pulled me out of my class for a one on one interview. She apologized to me and said a lot of things. I can’t remember them anymore because honestly I wasn’t listening to her. After an hour or so of her continuous boring unending explanation, she asked me this question, “Is there anything you would like to tell me before I let you go back to your class?”

I was silent for a moment, looked her in the eye and said, “Yes. In fact I do. I am not certain if I will be graduating as a cum laude this school year… we are just half way the semester and anything can pretty much happen. However, what I am certain of is that I am not graduating as a rude student from this institution and that no one, not even you can ever ruin what I have worked so very hard for all these years. So if you want to raise hell with me, you better be ready, because I am. That’s all.”

Our guidance councilor dropped the charges against me. She did not apologize to me but she also did not finish the school year. After the first semester, she filed her resignation. I never heard anything from her since then.

I will never compromise myself to anyone... at the end of the day, "I'm" all I've got.

Oh and by the way, I graduated cum laude. =)

Is that too much to ask?

U. Thant once said, "Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves."

So this goes to you.

Yes, you with the beady eyes.

You who are reading through this blog...

Understand that I make my thoughts public because I know I could somehow brighten another person's day. Maybe, in some way, I could influence my reader (you) into appreciating life more. However, understand that you reading through this blog does not mean you know me.

It does not mean we're close.

It does not mean we’re friends.

Never judge me.

What I write here is solely my opinion. And like parallel universes, I know that other opinions exist out there.

Hell, I know that opinions arise and are born from your early morning cereal... or from the depths or shallow waters of my blog.

But respect me.

Respect what I write here.

Respect the people I love and never rub whatever you think I think in their faces... Who knows? You might be translating me wrong.

Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even when the words do not seem harsh or offensive, the impact is shattering. What we could be experiencing is the intent behind the words.

When we intend to do good, we do.

When we intend to do harm, it happens.

What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through. We cannot sugarcoat the feelings in our heart of hearts. The emotion is the energy that motivates. We cannot ignore what we really want to create. We should be honest and do it the way we feel it. What we owe to ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent.

We become hypocrites instantly when we judge at face-value. And I know you know... and I trust that you would feel... slighted if a total stranger would go step onto a soapbox and declare to the world how you think and act and feel, every minute of every day, without really knowing or understanding the ramifications of your personality - and how it affects your thoughts and opinions.

RESPECT.

Is that too much to ask?

Memories of my Agents

Some find a moment of happiness, or a smile dances (oh so briefly!) across a tear stained face as these bits and pieces turn back the clock and once again life becomes good and whole and magical.

A story is remembered.

A joke retold.

A laugh bubbles past the tears, and for a few moments, we are suspended in memory. Yesterdays can be painful or joyful.

I was cleaning my mailbox yesterday when I saw the email I sent two of my agents one day before the effectively date of their resignation letters. Saying goodbye had never been this hard. I guess for me, all I really want to say is: “I miss you guys.”

Here’s a copy of that email:


Steffy and Kat,

A lot of people think the purpose of work is for people to apply what they learned in college.

How to deal with others. How to deal with clients. How to get along.

Assimilate.

But I'm telling you, it's not.

We are here to discover and develop our strengths as an individual.

That strength comes from within you, from facing your greatest fears and from not backing down when no one listens or cares or agrees.

When I look at both of you today, I see two matured women who have chosen to harness their power as individuals. And regardless of the outcome of this fight -- I thank you, both of you.

So...

Remember all of the good times and all of the special people that were with you during them.

Let go of the past, but don't forget it because there are a great many things that can be learned from what you have been through.

And most importantly: Follow your heart, Stand up for what you believe in, and take your own path always doing what you want to do.

I will miss you both terribly. Thank you for making me the Supersup for so many consecutive months.

God Bless.


Your former supervisor and forever friend,
Marvin

Someone is copying my blog…

I just found out that someone has copied several of my entries, word per word, and posted it on his blog, passing it off as his entry.

Not only is this stealing intellectual property rights, but the entries he chose to plagiarize happened to be some of my most personal ones. He even copied my idea of placing a little icon before every post.

He even had the nerve to tweak one of my entries written in Tagalog and change it’s title to something that was obviously derived from my title.

And to think he was even asking me for help with editing his photos.

I shall not name him, or his multiply address. I just really feel sad that there are people like him who take advantage of other people.

Needless to say, I am royally p-i-s-s-e-d.

Does this guy totally lack any ideas of his own?

I guess plagiarism is a pitfall of posting your writing on the internet.

If that’s the case, I don’t want to blog anymore.

Somebody Save Me

Hi.

It's been a long time since the first times…

The first time we met... to the first time we kissed... to our first fight... our first good-bye... our first tears... to the last 'I love you.'

People say you never realize what you have until you lose it. In a way... they're right. But I never took you for granted because I knew any day I could wake up and you would be gone…

I just hoped so much it wouldn't be for a very long time.

Now I miss all those things I never really noticed. Like how much I miss your hands holding mine, how you’d sneak into my pad and most of all... I miss your smile.

Yes, I miss your smile.

Ahhh… those smiles… No matter what was going wrong, all you had to do was give me that smile of yours and somehow I knew everything was going to be all right.

I haven't seen that smile forever. I just keep hoping I'll see it again so I can have that feeling that everything is going to be all right again.

I'm not all right.

I'm anything but okay right now.

I just keep wondering if I'm ever on your mind. Or if you ever miss my smile too…

I wonder if you ever wake up in the middle of the night praying that I'll come back.

I miss you so much.

There's nothing I can say that would ever make you understand just what you mean to me. I want more than anything to see your smile again knowing it's for me...

I need something to hold onto…

I need you…

Someone help me.

Or I’ll drown…

Ang kwento ko ay malamang kwento mo rin…

Kung papipiliin ka, ikaw ba ay isang mabuting tao na paminsan-minsan ay nakakagawa ng masama, o isang masamang tao na paminsan-minsan ay nakakagawa ng mabuti?

Ako?

Yung pangalawa ang sagot ko. Kasi pag ang tingin ko sa sarili ko ay mabuti, malulungkot lang ako tuwing makakagawa ako ng masama. Pero pag ang tingin ko sa sarili ko ay masama, matutuwa ako tuwing makakagawa ng mabuti sa ibang tao.

At maganda yun dahil sawa na akong malungkot.

Kailangan ba talagang isaalang-alang ang ibang tao bago mo masabing dapat ka ngang maging masaya? Hindi ka ba pwedeng maging masaya, dahil lang gusto mong maging masaya?

Bakit maraming taong mahilig makialam sa kaligayahan ng iba? Malamang dahil iniisip nilang wala kang karapatang maging masaya. Pero mas malamang na wala kasing nagpapasaya sa buhay nila.

Mas napapasaya ka ba ng sarili mo? O ng ibang tao? Masama ba kung masaya ka sa buhay dahil sa mga nagawa mo para sa sarili mo, at hindi dahil sa mga nagawa mo para sa ibang tao at mga nagawa ng ibang tao para sa iyo?

Hindi siguro masama, pero malungkot. Na lalong nagpapagulo sa usapan. Isipin mo, malulungkot ka dahil ikaw lang ang nagpapasaya sa iyo?

Babalikan mo ang mga bagay na bumuo ng mga araw mo sa loob ng maraming taon. Naging masaya ka nga ba? O niloko mo lang ang sarili mo na masaya ka?

Kung kailangan mo pang kumbinsihin ang sarili mo na dapat ka ngang maging masaya, paano mo masasabing masaya ka nga?

Kaya naman sisimulan mo ang paghahanap ng kaligayahan. Ikaw ay hihiling, maghihintay, aasa at mabibigo.

Paulit-ulit.

Ayos lang sa iyo. Tutal, pangako mo, kapag nahanap mo na ang hinahanap mo, magiging masaya ka na 'di ba?

Ang mahirap maintindihan, bakit kapag nasa harap mo na ang isang bagay na maaaring magpasaya sa iyo, saka ka naman magtatanong, "Ano ba ang nagawa ko, bakit dumating sa buhay ko ang magandang bagay na ito?" Maiisip mong hindi ka karapat-dapat, kaya't ikaw ay lalayo at muling maghahanap.

Ano nga ba ang hinahanap mo? Hindi mo ba napapansin na may mga bagay hindi hinahanap pero kusang nagagawi sa landas mo?

Kailan mo kaya maiisip na hindi mo kailangang maging espesyal na tao para dumating ang isang magandang bagay na babago sa iyo?

Para iyon sa iyo, dahil ikaw ay ikaw. Hindi na kailangan ng dahilan. Bawat isa ay nararapat lang na maging masaya.
Sa halip tuloy na masaya ka na, pinalulungkot mo ang sarili mo sa pag-iisip kung paano ka nga ba sasaya.

May sense naman diba?

So masaya ka na ba talaga?

Napakasuwerte mo naman palang nilalang...

Ikaw.

Oo, ikaw nga!

Napakasuwerte mo sa lahat ng mga taong nagpakatanga at nagpapakatanga sayo! Naisip mo na ba kung ilang dagat na ang pwedeng mabuo mula sa mga luhang tumulo dahil sayo? Masarap ba ang pakiramdam ng iniiyakan kahit buhay ka pa?!
Masaya?!

Ilang tanga na ba ang naliwanagan dahil dumating ka sa buhay nila? Ilang henyo na ba ang nabobo sa kaiisip sayo? ilang bochog na ba ang nangayayat sa kakahabol sayo? ilang patpatin na ba ang nakabuhat ng grand piano dahil minahal ka nila?

Nakakatawang isipin at pagtanda siguro natin mahirap paniwalaan, na minsan sa buhay ng batang iyon, ikaw ang naging tampok ng kanyang mga pangarap.

Minsan naman sadyang dumadating sa mga relasyon yung pagkakataon na kailangang bumitaw o mabitawan, makasakit o masaktan. Malas mo na nga lang kung ikaw yung iniwan pero hindi eh. Talagang masuwerte ka kasi ikaw yung nang-iwan. Pero kahit ganoon na nga ang papel mo, lalabas ka pa ring bida at dakila kasi sasabihin ng mokong na to, Hindi ko siya masisisi. Akonaman talaga ang may kasalanan.

Ayos!

Ilang utak na ba ang binabagabag mo gabi-gabi? Ilang nilalang na ang hindi nakakatulog sakaiisip sayo? Ilang mga mata na ang parang namagang fishball sa umaga dahil sa magdamag napag-iyak sa alaala mo?

Alam mo ba na para kang bubblegum sa bumbunan nung taong mahal na mahal ka? Pilit na kinukutkot pero sa huli malagkit pa rin. Para kang mantika sa platong hindi maalis-alis kahit nakalimang banlaw na lalo na kung walang Joy Ultra Calamansi. Para kang monthly period na after three days akala wala na pero may taghabol pa pala.

Isa man yan, o isang barkada, maswerte ka pa rin. Hindi ba nakakataba ng puso ang malamang may isang nilalang na iinom ng isang shot ng nana at isang kilong taba para lang sayo? Na kahitlasunin mo ng racumin, para pa ring tutang susunod sayo.

Kung ganon pwede ka nang lumundag mula sa Eiffel Tower at makakasigurado kang sa langit pa rin ang bagsak mo dahil may isang nilalang na makikipagbargain kay satanas para sa kaluluwa mo.

Sabihin mo nang hindi ka naman ganon; nainiiwan ka rin at nasasaktan; na hindi moginustong magpakapraning sila sayo; na hindi ka ganon kalupit at karahas; na may puso ka ringmamon.

Pero wala kang magagawa.

Wala akong magagawa.

Wala silang magagawa.

MAHAL KITA EH...THAT'S LIFE!!

I Know Better

I am not like that now.

I know better.

I know now that people lie, and promises can be broken as quick as they are made.

I understand that I might never be loved, and too quickly good things fly in front of my eyes before I can reach out and grab them.

I know that I can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. Also, there isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if I'm standing alone for awhile, that's why.

Not everything in life comes easy, but when I work the hardest, that's when it's the best.

I can't always expect people to care, and even when my best friends stab me in the front, I don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for my back. They missed for a reason.

I found out to soon, that in the end, I am my own best friend.

Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, its gonna hurt like hell. But I can't stop it. I can't change my fate.

Some things are meant to be and all the pain I go through will end up resulting in something huge. I don't know what it is and when it happens, it will hit me like a ton of bricks.

At some point, when I have experienced everything I can, the words 'Life' and 'Risk' won't mean anything to me anymore. But I won't try to change it. Stuff like that is meant to happen.

Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on me. And that happens because that's the way it supposed to be. But I'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter.

But it might catch me off guard and happen sooner.

So i better watch out.

I know better.

Really.

I do.

Wandering Wonders

Last night I sat thinking about all my past relationships: the good ones, the bad ones, the ones that never meant a single thing to me --- and I suddenly thought about you.

At the beginning everything seemed perfect: the times you made me laugh, the moments we spent alone, the phone calls we shared every night. You were the one thing in my life that truly made me happy…

Then everything started to change. Instead of the laughs, the tears started to form, then the jealousy, the pain --- and you were out of my life.

Now I sit here thinking. The moments of sadness I felt never compared to the few times of happiness I experienced when we were still together. I wonder how I ever let you go? It was pure love. And if we had only realized that before.

Four months later, here I am, alone in my bed with only Pressy to keep me company all night, wondering… does it hurt you to look at all the places we've been? Do you get that tiny smile that tugs at your lips for one, small, insignificant instant and then it disappears as quickly as it came as the realization of what we have become hits you?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you when you are nearing my pad, or my doorway, or that spot were I used to stand waiting for you to come home? Do you visualize my figure waiting there for you, only to discover that when you reach for it, I'm nowhere in sight?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you to know that I'm afraid to talk to you? What do I say to someone who has hurt me, confused me, and broken me beyond measures but whom I still love more than words can express?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you when my eyes meet yours and then dart quickly away? Does it bother you when I look at you with no expression and turn and walk the other way?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you to know that every time I see you I feel like crying? That when I see your face something inside of me dies just a little bit more, or when I see you frown I want more than anything to kiss your pain all away… but then I realize I am your pain...

I'm just wondering...

Wondering how you are feeling...

Wondering where you are…

Wondering who you’re with…

Wondering…

If you are hurting too...

Like I do…

RAINBOWS

As kids we are taught that a rainbow has seven colors. But as we grow older, we realize that there are other shades, hues and subtleties that are not taught to us.

Now, they remain unnamed.

But as we grow older, the more colors we see in a rainbow.

As we go on with life, we realize that scholars’ teachings are, in most cases, far from what reality has to say.

Like a rainbow, life is full of complexities.

Life is full of variations.

And the further and deeper we go through it, the more colors we see.

I pray that we find understanding when we are faced with division, and may we be dominated by equality when we discover difference.

This blog is a tribute to unity in diversity, dignity and a celebration of life.

For a moment, I seriously thought about discontinuing this blog for some obvious reasons. First, people are not reading them anyway. Second, I don’t think it’s serving its purpose. I only make people sad, which is far from what I envisioned my posts to be. Lastly, I always receive nasty comments from anonymous judgmental people.

But then again, I always remember what my mother tells me when I was still a kid. She would hold me in her arms and would tell me this: “Remember this, you have got to believe in yourself. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Don’t give up and don’t give in. Dare to speak your mind. Dare to make a difference. Dare to love… Because in the end it will be okay, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end”

And she would tuck me to bed and kiss me good night. My mom tells me this every single night from kindergarten to fourth grade to junior high. I grew up living those words… well, sometimes…

If only for my mom, I would have long stopped writing. I would have long given up on my dream as a writer.

But just like the rainbow, which symbolizes hope in the bible, I will always be here…

After the rain…

After the storm…

I will be here… and no one’s stopping me.

Not you… yes, you.

Not even you.

I write to express not to impress.

I am moving on, hoping that the next thing would be letting go.

When someone you love abandons you, it doesn't hurt just because they've changed, or lied, or went back on their promises. But because you know what they really are and what a beautiful person they can be…

And when they take that away from you and won't let you see that beautiful person again, nothing hurts more than having someone just decide to take your entire world away without consulting you first.

I am moving on… And if I feel the need to cry, I will. But it will not be for the heart ache you've made, but for not we might have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that I felt, but I will cry because of the love that I was never able to share, with the one guy I fell for.

I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the guy who left.

I am moving on… And I'll try to wake up in the morning and smile and think not of why you left, but that once you stayed. No, don't try to reason with me, this is too much... I will try not to think of you… When I wake up in the morning I will try not to ask myself if somehow you are also awake.

I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of.

No, I won't even think of you while I'm eating my breakfast wondering if you're doing the same thing, because sooner or later I know you will.

No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in, just to have some privacy to sadly think of you, cry or do some foolish things because of you.

I've had enough.

I'll try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I'll just try to smile. And no, never will I again think of you last, when I go to sleep…

Sleep is my only rest, so please don't plague me in my dreams.

I will give my affections to any guy who is in need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours…

Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he's here, you're not.

I am moving on...

Hoping that the next thing would be letting go.

Broken Break-ups

Isn't it funny how you can think you're completely over someone but if you drive past his house, stumble upon a meaningful song you both shared, see a picture of you together, or even get a glance of him on the street.... just in an instant, it can change all that…

And then you start to remember the pain… and that hollow space is feeling more and more like the Grand Canyon with every second that goes by…

But you bury these feelings deep down… so deep that you're sure no one will be able to tell.

To the outside world, you smile and act like nothing is wrong or will ever be.

Everything's just perfect.

And for that split second that you've locked eyes… a tiny whisper… say 'make this last forever, only and just this moment forever and ever'…

But after a second or so, you go along your own merry way, all the while realizing how much you do miss him, how much you still love him... and it sticks with you for days, weeks, maybe months, until fate decides to hand you another one of those unexpected moments.

And then you finally understand the worst feeling in the world is when the person you love most is standing right next to you, yet you can never have them. Try as you may, you can't make someone love you again…

And in relationships, the hardest thing to do is not moving on but not looking back…

Breaking up isn’t the worst part of breaking up…

But living with it…

One day you’ll get it

There's this image I keep coming back to...

I'm ten-years-old. My mom and dad took me to see “Terminator 2: Judgement Day”. There I was, fourth row center, flanked by my parents.

And in walks this guy with another guy. Probably our age now. They plop down right in front of me... and proceed to make-out for the entire movie.

I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe that anyone would rather kiss than watch this action, sci-fi, thriller unfold on the screen.

At one point, I tapped the guy on the shoulder and he looked back at me, like, "One day you'll get it kid."

Here it is all these years later, and I’m not that guy who goes to the movies and makes out in the balcony, and I’m not that kid who sat between his parents...

I'm this third person who’s too busy analyzing everything to actually sit back and enjoy the show.

I mean those other two guys, at least they’re having fun.

I'm not anymore...

Miss You To Bits

You know what’s funny?

Those things that you did when we were together that would always piss me off are the things that I miss the most...

You know when you'd never stop talking to me when I was trying to watch my favorite teleserye or when I’m trying to finish a book…

How you would always be a smart ass, or how about all the times when you insisted that you loved me more...

How you’d hide all of my DVDs because you wanted us to talk…

How you’d always manage to intentionally swap our Zagu orders and confess to me what you did after I’m almost done drinking the Zagu variant that was supposed to be yours.

When you’d secretly sneak on my bag to look for cigarette to check if I smoke when I’m not home… and if you do find one, you’d hide my lighter and throw away my cigar… go back to sleep and pretend like nothing happened. (I saw all the “missing” cigarette packs on top of my closet).

When you’d deliberately adjust my alarm clock 30 minutes past my shift because you want to spend more time with me and I always end up logging in late for work.

When you’d pretend to be sick but all of a sudden get better after I inform my mom that I won’t be able to come home to Cavite. You’d then invite me to watch a movie or dine out.

When you'd playfully make fun of me for saying something wrong…

When you'd pick me up and carry me along the streets of Filmore on our way back home from Cash and Carry... and I'd fight you because people could see us but you just don't care...

When you'd call me later than you were supposed to...

When you’d purposely pretend to be done studying for your finals only to find out later that you lied because you wanted to see me.

When you’d always order extra rice and I always end up gaining those unwanted extra pounds.

How you’d always insist for me to tell you the color of the shirt I’m gonna wear and then showing up with the same exact shade. We’re always “terno” when we go to the malls.

Those are the things I want back.

It's weird.

I used to think that since we're far apart from each other, I'd be glad I wouldn't have to put up with all of them...

But now, honestly...

Those are the things I miss the most.

When the tears are not enough...

Tears flow from my eyes in little misguided river paths…

Maybe if I had only been able to hug you once more, or hold your hand as you left. Maybe then this wouldn’t hurt so much.

Maybe then I would be able to understand why I am left here alone.

It was once said, “Who do you turn to when the one who can stop your tears is the one who is making you cry?”

I wish they had found an answer…

Maybe then losing you would be easier for me to deal with.

But the thought of life without you is too painful to bear…

It actually hurts…

Like a cut on my skin, only the cut is much deeper…

It’s on my heart.

Only One

There are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.

Some are running scared...

Some are coming home...

Some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just now facing the truth...

Some are evil men at war with the good and some are good struggling with evil...

6 billion people in the world...

6 billion souls...

And…

Sometimes...

All you need is ONE...

Just ONE...

My Dearest Penguin

Dear Penguin,

You asked me before where I went. And I want to tell you. I went to a place where nothing's right, where every moment's backwards, every sky's without color, without hope.

I tried to come back, Penguin. But I got lost...

And while I was gone, I met you...

And I didn't even have the courage to realize I was home.

A wise friend of mine told me "we all have our homes", and now I know it's true. I hope you get this letter, Penguin. I figure I got 75 chances...

Because if you do, you'll know that in the end, that's where I was...

I found home, Penguin.

I found you.

I hope you can find yours soon.

Get there --- as fast as you can.

And write me when you do.

In love with you always,

Marvin

Wonder Years

I was alone having coffee in my favorite restaurant one lazy Saturday afternoon, and I couldn't help overhearing two kids taking turns asking each other what they want to be when they grow up. Like all the other kids I asked this question to, one wants to be a doctor because he would like to help the sick, the other one wants to be a pilot someday. Their conversation was really funny in a serious kind of way or serious in a funny kind of way, but that's how kids have always been -- spontaneous, adventurous and they all have big dreams for the future.

So right at that moment, I thought to myself, when I was a kid, what did I wanted to be when I grow up?

It took some time for me to remember that at one point in my young life, I wanted to be a lawyer. I had a relative who was a lawyer and when my mom and I visit him in his office, he was always dressed up and he looked really stylish and neat. So I thought I wanted to be just like him someday (not to marry him okay. My sexual preferences and orientation were still pretty much intact when I was a kid).

I have an aunt who was a pre-school teacher for so many years. So there was a short period in my life that I wanted to be like her, I thought all she did is play with the kids. But then, she always had to work till late in the evening checking papers and preparing exams. So that didn't last either.

I also wanted to be pilot because I've always wanted to see the world. While other kids wanted to be a doctor or an engineer, I wanted to be a nurse so I can take care of my parents and grandparents (without having to spend so many years in school).

I forgot all the other dreams I had, but I am sure of something, it was a lot. And looking back, I realized that I didn't get to be anything that I dreamed myself to be. I took up my course (Bachelor of Science in Physical Therapy, De La Salle University Health Sciences Campus) in college because, it was, as I was told, the most "in demand" field at that time and not because that was where my heart was. I've grown to love it though but mainly because I had to, I thought of shifting to another course but I got scared of change. I graduated cum laude and topped my board exams.

But there are days when I'm curious about what my life would have been like if I pursued even one of my childhood dreams.

Maybe, just maybe, I'd be happier. Maybe, I'd have more energy to do what I have to accomplish for more than 8 hours of my life each day. Maybe, I'd feel more fulfilled.

Maybe…

But I realized that I had a choice and I decided to choose the choices I made. It may not be the best, but I learned to accept things as they come and be thankful for whatever I have. Sure, I made mistakes. And yes, I made the wrong decisions. But no matter how big or how little those mistakes were, I learned a lot from each one of them. And it made me the kind of person that I am now.

I may not be as successful as what I envisioned myself to be, or I may not be as rich, or not at all famous. But I'm proud of the fact that I'm making the most out of my life and with what I have. And I'm quite happy with how my life turned out.

Everyday, we face a lot of choices. We answer a lot of questions. Where to eat, what to wear, what road to take, whether to stay or to go, whether to take the promotion or to move on to other things. It's hard to take the "other" route when you're comfortable wherever it is that you are. But there are decisions in life worth doing just for the heck of it --- to grow and to continue to be challenged. Because after all, that's what living is about.

Come to think of it, I didn't become a nurse, but I took care of my grandparents when they got sick a few years back. I didn't become a pilot, but I had the chance to see other places and countries. I didn't become a teacher, but I know that you don't necessarily have to be one to teach people what you know about life…

So that only leaves being a lawyer…

Well, three out of four ain't that bad, right?

Color Everywhere

Color is a form of energy.

This energy affects us both physically and emotionally. From packaging in the products we buy to the color of suit and tie a lawyer wears, color is used all over in our world to influence us.

Below is a list of colors, their meanings, and suggestions on using them:

Red.

It’s known for being a "power color".

In small amounts it can promote positive thinking. On the other hand, too much of a good thing can create irritability, nervousness, stress and even anger.

Use a red appointment book to emphasize your importance in the world.

Orange.

Lifts your spirit.
Creates vitality.

Can be a great antidepressant.

Try a glass of fresh orange juice in the morning to get a peppy start on the day.

Yellow.

The color of happiness.

This color creates an optimistic attitude.

Good for helping make decisions.

Can't make up your mind? Use a yellow legal pad to list pros and cons.

Green.

Lowers stress and gives a feeling of comfort.

Add some more plants to your home or office.

If you are a serial plant murderer like myself, fake ones will work! ;o)

Blue.

Relaxes the body and opens the mind.

Be a kid again sometime and lie in the grass and watch the sky.

Purple .

The color of royalty.

Promotes self confidence.

Also the color of passion.

Buy yourself or the love in your life a bouquet of Freesia.

Don't go overboard.

Sometimes too much of a good thing can have ill effects.

You Complete Me Not

The misconception of humans about love and relationship is that having someone with us will make us complete.

But the fact is, Love is extending one's self to another. It means that before we enter a relationship, we should already be COMPLETE.

Otherwise, if we think that having someone will make us complete, it's not a relationship. It's dependence and it may not work out.

When you are happy about yourself and you learn to love yourself, you may probably need not a partner (to a certain extent).

Right now, I'm trying to love myself more and to accept completeness. What happens next will be another story.

But for some who may be losing hope, this affirmation may help:

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worthwhile, doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has realized how much of a man/woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your masculinity or femininity.

Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king/queen, doesn't mean that you're not already queen/king.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

Keep shining…

Keep running…

Keep hoping…

Keep dreaming...

Keep praying…

Keep being exactly what you are already.

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow.

If they succeed in loving the distance between them, this makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.

I think most of us do

I think I noticed when things started to change...

I think most of us do...

The hugs were quicker, the phone calls were shorter, and they weren't every night. We didn't hurry to the place where we said we'd meet. The "I love you's" felt more like a forced, daily routine, and really had no meaning.

When we saw each other, the smiles weren't as bright, or as big. Our thoughts weren't only of each other.

We seemed uninterested…

We felt unloved.

We had too many doubts...

I think I noticed when things started to change...

I think most of us do.

Questioning Christianity

Question: If God created everything, then didn’t he create hell, too? If he created hell, then is hell good, since everything God created was good?

Answer: Hell is primarily an eternal state of separation between God and those creatures (angels and humans) who have permanently chosen to reject him. God created free will, which is good, but hell is the result of the abuse of free will. God did not create hell; he only allowed for its possibility. Thus it cannot be said that hell is good.

**********************************

Question: Can God do literally anything? Make square circles? Make 1 + 1 = 72? If he can't do these things, is it safe to say that he cannot do literally "anything"?

Answer: God can do all things that are possible (Matt. 19:26). He cannot do what is, for him, impossible, including to sin or to create logical impossibilities (e.g., square circles, mathematical errors, rocks too heavy for him to lift). While God can do things that are impossible for man (Luke 18:27), he cannot do what is impossible for himself.
This does not mean that God is not omnipotent; it means only that his power does not negate itself.

**********************************

Question: Is it necessary to confess how many times one has sinned?

Answer: To the best of your ability you should confess how many times you committed each grave sin. The Code of Canon Law is clear on this point:

A member of the Christian faithful is obliged to confess in kind and number all grave sins committed after baptism and not yet remitted directly through the keys of the Church nor acknowledged in individual confession, of which the person has knowledge after diligent examination of conscience. (CIC 988)

If you don’t know an exact number, you can give a best estimate or provide an approximation (e.g., "several times"). If you forget to do this or later remember additional occurrences of grave sins, your sins are still forgiven, but you should remember to acknowledge those sins at your next confession.

An Ode to a Friend

Sometimes someone comes into your live and changes everything, raises the standards, makes you laugh, and makes you feel like you.

When I look back at my life, I can recall very few times where I felt really grateful of the things that came my way. One such instance was a few months ago when, in the midst of my dull dreary life, I met Merito Niño Miguel.

Looking back, it’s easy to get melodramatic about the experiences we had to go through as friends. Just writing this takes me back on that rainy Saturday night when I first met him in person at SM North EDSA, alongside two of his friends.

I met Merito through Jon, a friend from an online community who happens to be one of Merito’s best buds. With his wit and charms, we instantly hit as friends and soon found ourselves enjoying hours of chatting on the net --- from the most trivial to the most consequential stuff.

Boy I tell you, this guy is loaded. He doesn’t even have to work a single day of his oh-so-fabulous life to survive. But don’t mistake him to mere material stuff. Fact of the matter is he’s got way more than that.

Standing at a statuesque height of 5'10, Merito has the body to die for. He has the fairest skin of all and a smile that literally tells toothpaste commercial models, “Alright, you may now retire.” But Merito is more than just what pleases the eye, he is brilliant, good-natured and funny. No one but him could ever deliver punch lines that will keep you laughing your ass out… and I mean literally laughing your ass out for several hours at that.



His attention-grabbing smile may seem to send off a delicate façade, but behind it, incontestably, is one tough guy who is driven towards achieving his goals in life. Albeit younger, he has always been a “kuya” to me, always giving me advices on love and on life.

Merito is a seasoned survivor. He had been through a lot himself. Hearing his stories and the sacrifices he had to endure for the sake of his family and friends make me admire him more. Where others would have walked away out of humiliation and shame, Merito faced life head high, keeping his morals and principles intact --- a living proof that you can never put a good guy down.

Sometimes we stand outside life --- waiting for a door to open to us, hoping the person behind that door will let us in and be our friend. I was once on the outside until a door opened to me and behind it I found not only a friend in Merito, but a whole new world --- a brotherhood, in the arms of his warm welcoming friends.

Now I stand behind that door on the inside, helping to open it for someone else who stands where I once stood. From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it.

Without even realizing it, Merito taught me a lot of things, not only about life, but about what true friendships can be like.

Please do me a favor Merito and never give up... not on yourself, not on other people, not on your dreams... not on anything.

Philippine TV Gone Astray

The problem with most news organizations in the Philippines (and probably everywhere) is that they are owned by corporations and as such, they are constrained by commercial considerations in their operations and time slots.

This year being an election year, news organizations will play a big role in the way people will vote. Afterall, the news is the people’s primary source of information with regards to candidates and platforms. It is therefore important that news organizations present what the voters need. It is their duty, if you ask me.

Unfortunately, most of them are governed by the avarice of profits, hence they are constrained by ratings and ads.

Take for example ABS-CBN’s Forum 2007. It aims to expose senatorial candidates and their ideas to the voting public. However, it is shown on ANC, which is on cable TV, thus the number of people who can watch is limited. It is shown on Channel 2, but at 4AM, who’s going to watch it?

GMA7, on the other hand, has The Philippine Agenda. Instead of dealing with candidates, the show instead focuses on issues that affects the country. It is shown on Channel 7 on Sundays, 7PM. By limiting the show on issues, the producers hope ” to raise viewers’ level of concern and awareness on the country’s recurring problems so that, in turn, they can make sound choices come election day”.

What the people need to know is where do candidates stand on these issues. I’m afraid the GMA show will not address the question at all.

ABS-CBN is unwilling to sacrifice its primetime slots because it is trying to catch up with GMA7, while GMA7 has decided to present something half-useful. The TV news organizations somehow fail to fulfill their functions as conduits of needed information.

I hope radio, online, and print media fare better. But among these, TV is the most potent, and yet most impotent.

My Little Sheltered Delusions

If there were ever a compilation of mourns and rants produced, I guarantee you, this would not be one of them. It's not long, it's not clever, it's not intense, it's not angry, it's not happy, and it's definitely not brilliant.

I'm done.

I've taken all that I can handle, and now I just want out.

I want to be gone.

I want everything to be fresh.

I've given, taken, agreed, approved and walked away bitter. If you consider life a game, the 4th quarter just ended. I wasn't even close to the last quarter, but I think I'm passed the point where I even care.

I played out of my league, out of my style, and out of control.

I'm not the type of person who goes after things. I'm the type who lets life wash whatever tidbits in me that has no longer use.

When I got off my little island to pursue things not so dead and rotting, I discovered life is a little deep.

I can't swim.

I am drowning.

I can only hope that someday destiny will bring me back to my little piece of dry land, where things may not have been good, but at least I could breathe. I must wash all memories of this nightmare out of my mind. I must go back to my little sheltered delusions. I must return to the oblivion that was.

And yet, who am I kidding? It can't be.

No matter how much sun courses through my body while I'm sprawled on the sand, the vision of the water will never disappear. It will haunt me.

What if I had made it?

What if things had worked?

What if life had gone my way?

Meet my new Baby

Name: Compaq Presario V3304TU

Birthday: April 2, 2007

Age: 1 day old

Status: It's complicated

Processor: Intel Core 2 Duo processor T5500
Display: 14.1” WXGA High definition Brightview Widescreen Display (1280x800)
120GB (5400RPM) Hard drive
1024MB 1GB DDR2 SDRAM (2 Dimm)
Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950 with shared graphics memory
LightScribe Super Multi 8X DVD RW with Double Layer Support
Intel PRO/ Wireless 3945a/b/g 802.11a/b/g/ WLAN and Bluetooth
5-in-1 Digital Media Reader
Express Card/54 PC Card Slot
Expansion Port 3
6-Cell Lithium Ion Battery
Operating System: Genuine Windows Vista Premium
Genuine Microsoft Office 2007

So what do you think of my new baby?

Puerto Galera Trip

It was like I'd left behind something in Puerto Galera besides the ten pounds I gained in a span of three days and two nights stay in that island --- the strenuous but thrilling banana boat my friends and I had; the numerous yosi I puffed; the several shots of margarita and comfort zone I drowned myself with; the breath-taking beach and sand; the mouthwatering guys hehehe este foods and desserts pala; the various people I met; the guys I chatted with; the henna tattoo on my arm; and the heart-pounding nerve-wracking ferry trip back home.

Some invisible part of my brain forgotten on a shelf somewhere, some key ingredient to navigating the world abandoned in that cozy hotel room, in that 3-storey lodge.

I didn't even know how to look for what was gone, how to recognize it if I found it. How to ask for help.

But I didn't want to be better than anyone...

I just wanted to be me.

And, yes, I wanted to show up, to be noticed. But inside some of me still wanted desperately to disappear. Of course that's what had gotten me to Puerto Galera in the first place: trying to disappear.

Then each morning I woke up to the blinding Galera sunlight and thought I was a little boy in my bed at home again, that my father would come and wake me at any minute. And then, slowly, I blinked awake to the ceiling tiles and the scuffed wood floor, the chrome-rimmed bed and the hum of the room, and realized that I'd grown up.

But it was just one more thing. One more way the days would form and even at the bottom of everything I was, I just didn't care that much right then.

It was all about one more day and just for now and every other cliché in the world. It was all about waking and eating and running and sleeping. And it was about getting through to the next day... all of it even, nobody would hurt me.

I’m still alive, though I still wasn't sure I wanted to be.

Fabricated stories

Honesty and simply being truthful seem, on the surface, to be one and the same concept. However, though they are closely related in definition and are in fact listed as synonyms, there are fundamental differences between the two.

Truthfulness is defined as "consistently telling the truth, honest" in The American Dictionary, which also defines honesty as "the capacity or condition of being honest; integrity; trustworthiness." Honest means "not lying, cheating or taking unfair advantage." So what does that mean?

The definitions are nearly identical, so one must turn to the connotations.

Truthfulness is the more basic of the two, it implies, as the definition says, speaking the truth predictably. If one is truthful, one tells the truth when asked a question. One does not spread lies, and one faces reality as it is.

However, it is possible to be truthful and still not be trustworthy. If someone tells everything he knows when asked the smallest question, would you want to trust that person with an important secret? Likewise, someone can be truthful and still not be lawful, or entirely in the "right." For instance, someone could be involved in something illegal, and, when asked about it, could tell the truth up to a point. The person in question would be consistently telling the truth, but it would not be the whole truth.

Honesty is a somewhat more complex idea that covers a broader range of requirements. Honesty is truthful, reliable, trustworthy, and open. It encompasses the virtues of truthfulness without the gaps.

Being honest implies that you are willing to tell the truth at cost of personal risk. It implies being open and truthful no matter the conditions one faces. Real honesty means telling the truth out of respect for others and for oneself. Someone who is honest does not necessarily have to be asked in order to tell the truth; it is their standard of conduct and communication.

Of the two qualities, honesty is the more admirable because it is harder to both attain and maintain. Still, honesty cannot exist without truthfulness, for what is someone who has openness, reliability and trustworthiness but is without the ability to tell the truth? The answer is someone who can be trusted to lie openly.

However, while we try to develop that important quality of honesty, it is important to remember that honesty stems from respect for others, and that includes respect for their feelings.

Real honesty includes truthful tact. Honesty speaks for one's character and improves relationships with others.

I am the Island... I am not the rock

A long time ago, in a land and situations far, far away, I wrote of our story. No longer am I the washed; I am now the island.

The tumultuous world washes around me. I am dashed, battered, and abused. The waves of depression and loss sweep around me. They strive to break me; to eat away the foundation upon which I stand. At times they flood over me, burying me in their turbulence.

Yet they are only moments...

I cling to my support while submerged, confident in its ability to hold me steady and guide me back to the light of surface...

I cannot breathe, yet I maintain belief in the temporal nature of that which assails me.

I have been promised that I will be subjected to nothing that I cannot bear. I look around; see my torment, and say, "My God! The confidence You must have in me to subject me to so great a foe!" The greater my torment, the greater my hope, for my Lord does not make promises he does not keep.

And thus I am thankful for the billowing waves.

I am thankful for trial.

I look beyond my struggles; I gaze through them to the promise they wish to obscure.

I am the island. I am not the rock, I am but frail. Yet the rock is my foundation, and to Him I will cling.

Lenten thoughts

I asked God why I wasn't rich. He showed me a man with the wealth of a thousand kings, who was lonely, and had no one to share it with.

I asked God why I wasn't beautiful. He showed me a woman more beautiful than any other, who was ugly because of her vanity.

I asked God why He'd allowed me to become old. He showed me a boy of 16, who lay dead at the scene of a car accident.

I asked God why I didn't have a bigger house. He showed me a family of six, who had just been evicted from their tiny shack, and were forced, to live on the street.

I asked God why I had to work. He showed me a man, who couldn't find a decent job, because he'd never learned to read.

I asked God why I wasn't more popular. He showed me a socialite with a thousand friends, who all left the moment the money and parties were no longer there.

I asked God why I wasn't smarter. He showed me a natural born genius, serving life in prison for making ill use of his knowledge.

I asked God why He put up with a thankless sinner like me. He showed me His Bible. He showed me His Son who took my place at the judgment.

I knew then how much He loved me.

What's eating you today?

Are your problems weighing heavy on your heart?

Know, then, that you are loved.

If it doesn't kill you... it will make you stronger.

Critical Criticisms

It is easy to get angry with those who criticize you. But it is better to listen and to consider what they have to say.

If the criticism is completely misdirected and unfounded, then you can simply let it go. Yet often it can be valuable and productive to objectively consider what your critics are thinking.

The worst response to criticism is to become angry, insulted and defensive. For by doing so, you actually give more power and credibility to that criticism.

Instead, listen carefully and appreciatively to what your critics have to say. Even if the criticism is decidedly negative, somewhere there are positive insights that you can gain from it.

Don't let your ego prevent you from learning something valuable. Being receptive to criticism strengthens your confidence and can improve your competence.

Choose to know and understand what others think of you. Instead of getting angry and defensive over the words of others, choose to listen, consider and grow stronger because of them.

Find Me Soon

My name is Marvin.

I'm a senior supervisor at People Support Inc.

I go to the gym every after shift --- at least I used to. I have an amazing partner --- at least I used to. And I have a best friend.

6780 building is just a place somewhere in the world, somewhere in Makati to be exact. Maybe it's a lot like your world, maybe it's nothing like it.

But if you look closer, you might see someone like you.

Someone trying to find their way. Someone trying to find their place. Someone trying to find their self.

Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, unsatisfied, barely getting by.

But that feeling's a lie.

And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay.

Because we all need a little help sometimes --- someone to help us hear the music in their world, to remind us that it won't always be this way.

That someone is out there.

And that someone will find you.

How Many Text Messages are Sent in the Philippines Daily?

If we’re to believe PLDT President and CEO Napoleon L. Nazareno, Smart handles at least 800 million texts daily. That’s over 9,000 texts per second! A realistic figure?

As of 2006, there are 90 million people living in the Philippines. Let’s assume that only one out of three Filipinos own a cellphone. That’s only 5 million more than Smart’s advertised 25 million subscriber base.

It would take 27 texts per person to reach 800 million a day—very possible in a country where most people would rather text than call. Not to mention that this doesn’t take into account the millions of Filipinos working abroad, who rely on SMS to stay in touch with loved ones back home.

And Smart Communications Inc. isn’t the only service provider in the Philippines, you also have Globe Telecom and Sun Cellular.

It’s reasonable to presume that their subscribers account for at least 400 million more texts. Especially since Sun made a name for itself by offering unlimited usage at flat rates.

So, could it be that local cellular networks handle over 1.2 billion texts daily? The 30 million would have to text 40 times a day for this figure to be a reality. But again, in text-crazy Philippines, such a figure is reasonable.

Bill Gate's Advice to Kids

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, or anyone who has ever been a kid, here is some advice Bill Gates recently dished out at a high school speech: 11 things you will not learn in school.

He talks about how feel good P.C. teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept has set them up to fail in the real world.

RULE 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

RULE 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world expects you to accomplish BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3: You will NOT make $40,000.00/year fresh out of high school. And you won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you EARN both.

RULE 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He won't have tenure.

RULE 5: Flipping burgers is NOT beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping - they called it OPPORTUNITY!

RULE 6: If you mess up, it is only your fault; learn from your mistakes.

RULE 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how COOL you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your room instead.

RULE 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and will give you as many times as you need to get it right. This doesn't have the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10: TV is NOT reality. In real life people need to leave the coffee shop and go to work.

RULE 11: BE NICE TO NERDS!! Chances are you will end up working for one!

Last Day at Fitness First

Yes.

After more than a year, I decided to end my membership at Fitness First and transfer to another health and fitness facility (GOLD'S GYM).

Also, I am trying to save some money because I am buying myself a Macbook very soon… Like tomorrow!! LOL. So I would need all the extra cash I can save.

Below is a copy of my cancellation letter:

Fitness First Manila

3rd Level, Robinsons Place Manila


M. Adriatico St.Ermita, Manila
Date: February 1, 2007

Re: Fitness First Account Number 01100164

To The Home Club Administrator;

I, Marvin Garcia, member of Fitness First Health Club since 11/30/2005 with membership number 01100164, am sending you this 30-day written notice to request cancellation of my membership and subscription from your health and fitness club effective February 28, 2007. By that time, I would have completed the minimum required term as stipulated on the terms and conditions portion of the agreement I signed when I first joined your club.

It is my understanding that my cancellation will not take effect until you give me a copy of my cancellation notice and receipt for payment for all required fees, thus I would appreciate receiving these documents as soon as they are available.

Furthermore, my cancellation should thus confirm that no payment will be taken out of the credit card information registered under my account for the months following the effectivity of my cancellation moving forward.

I will be surrendering my membership card to your facility upon expiry of my membership for your disposal.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely yours,

Marvin V. Garcia, ptrp
Team Supervisor l Peer Trainer l Service Delivery Department
PeopleSupport (Philippines), Inc.
People Support Center, Ayala cor. Sen. Gil Puyat Avenues
Makati City

YouTube Video Awards

YOUTUBE: 2006 was a pioneering year for online video, user-created content and the YouTube community. You let us into your bedrooms, created new forms of entertainment, and radicalized popular culture. Now it's time to reflect on what a tremendous year it was and recognize the best of the best during the first YouTube Video Awards.

YouTube has recently handed out recognition for the 7 Best Videos of 2006 in the very first YouTube Video Awards.

After 5 days of fervent ranking, the YouTube community came up with the seven best videos in 7 categories.

OK Go was chosen as Most Creative

Smosh made the Best Comedy

thewinekone got Best Commentary

Ask A Ninja got Best Series (beating Lonelygirl15,who is pretty much the unofficial YouTube mascot)

Terra Naomi got Best Music Video

the Free Hugs Campaign got Most Inspirational

and Kiwi! won Most Adorable.

The Boy Who Loved Me

I folded up into a clump in the middle of a sea of love letters, holding my knees tightly to my chest, and sobbed. I was floundering, torn between the deep attachments of the past and the pressing need to let go of them forever.

I was almost ready to die.

Three months earlier I could have sworn that I was the luckiest guy alive. Now, I might as well have drowned in the Pacific Ocean, thousands of miles away from home.

My dark night began in the aftermath of my break-up with my boyfriend. After a fair share of fights and emotional battery, I decided to end the eight-month relationship with the only love I knew.

In a split-second, I morphed back from a blushing, young prince to a pale-faced, plain-looking, Abercrombie-wearing guy in Havaianas flip flops with only my iPod Nano as a companion. He stole my magic when he left.

He took away my life, my dreams, and my dog.

But how do you go about forgetting someone who once meant the world to you? How do you forget the moments that made your heart skip a beat? How do you forget the future you once hoped for?

He was my best friend, my twisted sunshine. He still is. He could walk into a room and light up my day, no matter how bad it was. He's the one person in the world who knows me better than anyone else. He was my soul mate. He's the one being who knew me, and accepted me, and believed in me before anyone else did or when no one else would. He made me want to be a better man to my friends, to others, to myself. To have bigger plans and brighter dreams. To have a better soul. He's a handsome bright young man whose sense of wonder and adventure unfortunately outstripped my own so much that it magnified other, smaller problems to a point where, well....here we are.

For the first time in months, I looked around my apartment and felt the utter loneliness. I am left with nothing but his sweet scent on my pillows. I am stunned, incapable of taking hold of the notion of loss. He no longer binds me, but my heart refuses to move on.

In my insecurity and solitude, I find solace in the fact that this is not the end. Remembering that what lies in store for us isn't always that which we immediately hope for.

Life has a room for a little of everything. Sometimes you dance with a partner, and sometimes you dance alone. But the important thing is to keep dancing.

I still die everyday. It still hurts badly. Letting go isn't a one-time thing, it's something you have to do everyday, over and over again.

Good luck my love.

I hope you find what you're looking for. That hope is only surpassed by my wish it had been me.

It Takes Balls

I really don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive:

you've got to flap your arms and legs…

you've got to jump around a lot…

you've got to make a lot of noise…

Because life is the very opposite of death. And therefore, as I see it, if you're quiet, you're not living.

You've got to be noisy…

or at least your thoughts should be noisy and colorful and lively…

My Pockets Are Empty

I always had a dream that when I am asked to give an accounting of my life to a higher court, it will go like this:

"So, empty your pockets. What have you got left of your life? Any dreams that were unfulfilled? Any unused talents that we gave you when you were born that you still have left? Any unsaid compliments or bits of love that you haven't spread around?"

And I will answer, "I've nothing to return. I spent everything you gave me."

For 24 years, I have always done what I wanted to do. Call me a risk-taker but I am still doing it… Call me crazy… call it a shame but I am still saying it… That’s my simple life philosophy --- be what you want, do what you want, say and eat what you want, so long as you’re not stepping on anyone.

I wore the clothes I wanted to wear no matter how crazy they look or how expensive or cheap they were. But hey, I never looked like a fool with my choice of fashion.

I tried all types of hairstyle --- set it on gel… have it dyed… cut it really short… and grow it back again… I even had my head shaved several times (despite the cuts I get whenever I let them do it)…

I went to places I have always wanted to go… name it; I’ve been there.

If I want to say something, I’ll say it… If I want to say fuck you, I'm going to say fuck you. If you want to beep it out, go ahead and beep it out, but I will still say fuck you!

For me, life is to be enjoyed. It is to be lived and to be lived well.

So at the end of the day, my pockets are all empty… but my heart is full, my soul overflowing and my whole being jam-packed. . .