My Birthday Resolutions

The clock ticks slowly but steadily. As steadily as it ticks the minutes and the hours, the years go by. I won’t say ‘flies by’, though it is so customary to say, "But how the years have flown!" The years do not fly; they go by rhythmically and evenly. Nothing can be timed more accurately than the passing of each day.

And with the years come birthdays quite an annual feature, but so much funfairs and expectations roll up with each birthday. Hopes and misgivings, flights of fancy and resolutions; each year new ones are made, each year the ‘now’ resolutions are broken afresh, for why else are resolutions made if not to be broken? And made afresh and then broken again?

After the New Year a lot of people ask me what resolutions I have made. When I answer in the negative, they stare at me as if I were some curio, but I do not make resolutions; only I make them on the eve of my birthday, as the night slips into the morning silently and without warning like a thief at the dead of night. As I lie awake waiting for the clock to chime the midnight hour, I look back at the vista of years and relive again the ancient past.

An odd feeling of nostalgia grips me as I think of the birthdays of yesteryears. Years when birthdays meant pretty clothes and presents and of course birthday greeting cards. Those were the party years and meant fun and frolic with all the exuberance of youth when optimism runs high and pessimism is at it’s lowest ebb --- when one is young and the world is at his foot and the sky is never too high.

But with the dawning of each year, new fears and apprehensions begin dawning too. Exuberance and hope give way to disillusionment and despair. What was once one more hurdle now becomes one more step to hurtle down. What was once a fruitful past now somehow seems an arid waste and the future? a bleak desert maybe with an oasis or two to punctuate the monotony. The pessimist sees more pitfalls and the optimist more mountains.

Even the successful man sees in the past the mistakes that he made and paid for – and laments in vain: "Oh that we could have two lives --- one to make mistakes and the other to learn from them".

But as Cicero in his legacy of the past had said, "While there is life, there is hope" and hope is such a stimulating balm. Life is there still stretching out in front of you to make or to mar --- the chance is yours and yours alone. The past is past and nothing can be done to change it the way you want.

The days of yesteryears remain etched in one’s memory but with the passage of time many events and incidents tend to blur away and only important and significant one’s remain for one to reminisce and revive nostalgic memories.

The future is cloaked in mystery, in doubt, in apprehension but also in hope, in joy and expectations. Resolutions come clamoring to the fore, old one’s rush to be included, wild impulsive decisions are made and still the clock ticks steadily on.

At five minutes to midnight, I will hold on to the old year for all I am worth. But the chimes start to ring out and no hand on earth can stop them.

In these five minutes, I will be one year older and one more year of my life has lapsed.

Indeed it is truly said, "Time and tide wait for no man".

Another year, another heck of a ride...

For the past year, I am thankful...

For my boyfriend who says it's pizza and DVD tonight, because he is home with me, not with someone else.

For my boyfriend who is on the sofa being a couch potato, because he is home with me and not out at the bars.

For myself who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means I am at home, not on the streets.

For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.

For the mess to clean up after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am out in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means that we have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church that sings off key, because it means that I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that I am alive.

And finally...

For too much e-mail, text messages, phone calls, friend requests in Friendster and multiply, testimonials, comments on my blogs, pictures, videos and posts, and invites on coffee, movies, dates and SEBs because it means I am being appreciated by people...

May this year be as wacky if not better than last year...

I'll keep my fingers crossed.