Today let me let go...

Dear God,

Today let me see that my hurting and pain is a way of showing me I have insecurities that I need to work on. To heal my insecurities is to heal my pain. Today let me find strength and courage to face my insecurities and fears and know that I don't have to look toward another to sooth them.

Today let me relax and feel safe in knowing that sometimes in life the worst that happens to us are often miracles in disguise. Today let me find strength and courage to let go of what is behind me and look with anticipated joy to what magic and wonderful mystery the future may have in store.

Today let me hear my cries. Let me pray for the strength to step away from denial and live my life in forward.Today I pray for freedom through truth. Truth liberates, heals, and transforms. Today let me find strength and courage to stop looking for happiness in things that may or may not come true.

Today let me remember that forgiveness is something I do for me. To forgive is to admit that all people are human and humans make mistakes. Today let me find strength and courage to forgive those who have wronged me.

Today let me feel the warm light of dawn. Let the light show me that each day deserves to be a new day. Today let me find strength and courage to stop living my life in reverse.

Today let me understand that if I am to be without hope I am to be without a part in my life's plan. Today let me find strength and courage to admit my role in my own misery, be it that of victim or that of volunteer.

Today let me touch the hearts of those who love me by admitting to my own pre-occupation with myself lately. Today let me find strength and courage to let go of ego and give the gift of love back to those who love me.

Today let me see.

Today let me relax.

Today let me hear.

Today let me remember.

Today let me feel.

Today let me understand.

Today let me touch.

Today let me let go.

Merry-go-Round

I've made my mistakes.

I've had my ups and downs, my ins and outs, and definately my share of bad breaks. BUT when it's all said and done…

I'll raise a glass over my head and swear to God it's all been fun.

Sometimes I think I am not paying as much attention as I have to while I’m living my life. I know there are more important things than money, success, new cars, and all the material stuff I strive for. I should be enjoying my time here on earth with family, friends, and just plain making a difference in everyone's lives as much as I can.

I don't have to kill myself over work... of course I need to earn my bread each day but now that I actually think about it... why waste most of my precious time over something I’m gonna lose anyway?

You might say that I’m a dreamer, that there's a big and gaping hole in the way I think. You might say, "You can lose friends and family as much as you can lose your job."

You're wrong.

I can always find a job. The next one might not pay as much but it's still somewhere I could get my daily sustenance. With friends and family, it's different.

It's true that hearts can be broken, friendships forgotten... but (if you watched Meet Joe Black this will sound familiar) despite the pain and the abandonment, there is always a happy place you could go back to in your mind.

There you'll find a place full of pretty pictures; pictures you could take even when you're gone from this world.

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved.

The real milestones are less prepossessing.

They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave…

Our lives are measured by these…And if we can only learn to open our eyes, we have a handful.

The Day I was Reprimanded

I went home to Cavite last weekend as I always do to spend my rest days there. Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend, it seemed logical to be with my family during my rest days than to hang out in my apartment here in Makati alone.

While in the process of sorting my old college stuff, I saw the letter I wrote some 4 years ago addressed to our College Guidance Councilor. It was in response to her letter accusing me of being a “rude” student.

I admit that our guidance councilor and I have a rift that can be traced back when I won the Supreme Student Council elections beating the candidate from the college of nursing. For some strange reason, our guidance councilor seemed to favor her more over me. She even tried to talk to the representatives of the college of health and sciences (Radiologic Technology, Nursing, Physical Therapy and Medicine) and deliberately campaigned for her to ensure victory.

Although I do not have anything against the candidate from nursing, I felt it was very wrong for our guidance councilor to try to manipulate the results of the student body elections. As for me, it doesn’t really matter if I lose or win the elections.

If I win, that’s another accomplishment on my resume but if I lose, that will make my mom happy (she doesn’t want me to take any more responsibilities), give me all the time I need to focus on my studies and make life easier for me --- saving me from the numerous meetings and conferences that I have to attend to.

But in the end, the students have spoken… To my surprise, I won the elections. It was a landslide victory.

Weeks later, our guidance councilor conducted a survey in our class as a requirement to all graduating students. The following day I received a letter from her accusing me of being a rude student. Yes. She used the word “RUDE”. Her letter states that I need to send a response within 24 to 48 hours and if I fail to do so, I will be given a disciplinary action that would appear on my records forever and take me out of list of students running for cum laude.

I went home, talked to my parents about what happened, opened my computer and began typing this letter:


August 19, 2002
Office of the Guidance Councilor
De La Salle University Health and Sciences Campus


Dear Madam:

I was shocked upon receiving a letter handed to me by your secretary last Friday morning, August 17, 2002, regarding my “rude” behavior in class. I was shocked because this is the very first time I had been reprimanded for my behavior. I have always been commended, not rebuked; rewarded, not punished.

More so, I was shocked because I am not “rude” madam.

As a consolation to this “rude” student, you wrote a letter addressed to our beloved College Dean without even discussing the issue with me personally. I felt so disappointed by the sudden turn out of events. I studied at De La Salle University hoping that the school has a system in dealing with things concerning their students. But in this case, it seemed like you have forgotten to follow the step-by-step procedure.

Although it would have been better to personally talk to me and call my attention, which I would be more than willing to comply with, rather than sending a letter to the Dean, here is my letter in response to your request.

Before anything else, I would like to make a few clarifications:

First, it was not my intention to insult anybody, especially you, our well-respected guidance councilor. My behavior was an honest to goodness expression of what I was feeling that day. Prior to the survey conducted in our class, we were having a practice of our jingle which was to be presented Friday afternoon of the same week. We were having some problems with the said presentation but nevertheless; I was in a very good mood that day. I don’t remember ever being rude. My behavior was not even close to being rude. I was at all times, able to keep my moral and values. I was brought up by my parents to respect the elders whatever the situation be.

Second, I don’t have to consult good old Mr. Webster to clearly understand the word “rude”. My classmates can and are willing to attest that I did not, in any way, showed disrespect to you madam. My actions were not impolite, savage or uncivilized as what you allegedly claim them to be. My friends, teachers, and family are more than willing to prove that I am not a rude student should this issue reach the dean.

Third, I don’t think I need to have a refresher course on etiquette and good morals because as far as my memory serves me right, I have behaved and handled myself well last Thursday. I don’t remember ever answering back or texting while you were in front of the class. I don’t remember ever standing or shouting or commenting impolitely to what you were saying. Most of all, I don’t remember ever making a face that could have insulted you in any way. I sat quietly in my chair, listened to you and followed everything that you asked us to do.

Lastly, no one should dare accuse me that I had forgotten all the things that I have learned in the last concluded leadership seminar in Batulao, Batangas because what I’ve learned during the 2-day seminar will always be close to my heart. Whatever happened last Thursday is not sufficient basis to say that I had thrown away all the wonderful realizations that that seminar brought to my life.

Throughout my four-year stay in De La Salle University Health and Sciences Campus, I have committed myself to the promotion of academic excellence and excellence in terms of service, values and moral in the University. I have placed a very high premium on trumpeting DLSU’s achievements if only to instill a deep sense of pride among my fellow La Sallians. I accepted the position as Treasurer and Executive Chairman for Internal and External affairs of the Supreme Student Council with the hope that I could somehow act as a safeguard to the student’s resources. I have devoted my time in writing articles that would help uplift the mental, emotional and spiritual awareness of PT students. Thus, no one should dare accuse me of being rude to any member of this institution.

Meanwhile, if you wish to clarify matters with me, I am most willing to accommodate your inquiries.

Bless you madam.

With all due respect,

Marvin Voltaire Garcia
CPT-SC Treasurer
President, PT Chorale
Editor-in-chief, PT Progress Notes
Treasurer and Executive Chairman DLSU-HSC Supreme Student Council


2 days later, she pulled me out of my class for a one on one interview. She apologized to me and said a lot of things. I can’t remember them anymore because honestly I wasn’t listening to her. After an hour or so of her continuous boring unending explanation, she asked me this question, “Is there anything you would like to tell me before I let you go back to your class?”

I was silent for a moment, looked her in the eye and said, “Yes. In fact I do. I am not certain if I will be graduating as a cum laude this school year… we are just half way the semester and anything can pretty much happen. However, what I am certain of is that I am not graduating as a rude student from this institution and that no one, not even you can ever ruin what I have worked so very hard for all these years. So if you want to raise hell with me, you better be ready, because I am. That’s all.”

Our guidance councilor dropped the charges against me. She did not apologize to me but she also did not finish the school year. After the first semester, she filed her resignation. I never heard anything from her since then.

I will never compromise myself to anyone... at the end of the day, "I'm" all I've got.

Oh and by the way, I graduated cum laude. =)

Is that too much to ask?

U. Thant once said, "Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves."

So this goes to you.

Yes, you with the beady eyes.

You who are reading through this blog...

Understand that I make my thoughts public because I know I could somehow brighten another person's day. Maybe, in some way, I could influence my reader (you) into appreciating life more. However, understand that you reading through this blog does not mean you know me.

It does not mean we're close.

It does not mean we’re friends.

Never judge me.

What I write here is solely my opinion. And like parallel universes, I know that other opinions exist out there.

Hell, I know that opinions arise and are born from your early morning cereal... or from the depths or shallow waters of my blog.

But respect me.

Respect what I write here.

Respect the people I love and never rub whatever you think I think in their faces... Who knows? You might be translating me wrong.

Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even when the words do not seem harsh or offensive, the impact is shattering. What we could be experiencing is the intent behind the words.

When we intend to do good, we do.

When we intend to do harm, it happens.

What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through. We cannot sugarcoat the feelings in our heart of hearts. The emotion is the energy that motivates. We cannot ignore what we really want to create. We should be honest and do it the way we feel it. What we owe to ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent.

We become hypocrites instantly when we judge at face-value. And I know you know... and I trust that you would feel... slighted if a total stranger would go step onto a soapbox and declare to the world how you think and act and feel, every minute of every day, without really knowing or understanding the ramifications of your personality - and how it affects your thoughts and opinions.

RESPECT.

Is that too much to ask?

Memories of my Agents

Some find a moment of happiness, or a smile dances (oh so briefly!) across a tear stained face as these bits and pieces turn back the clock and once again life becomes good and whole and magical.

A story is remembered.

A joke retold.

A laugh bubbles past the tears, and for a few moments, we are suspended in memory. Yesterdays can be painful or joyful.

I was cleaning my mailbox yesterday when I saw the email I sent two of my agents one day before the effectively date of their resignation letters. Saying goodbye had never been this hard. I guess for me, all I really want to say is: “I miss you guys.”

Here’s a copy of that email:


Steffy and Kat,

A lot of people think the purpose of work is for people to apply what they learned in college.

How to deal with others. How to deal with clients. How to get along.

Assimilate.

But I'm telling you, it's not.

We are here to discover and develop our strengths as an individual.

That strength comes from within you, from facing your greatest fears and from not backing down when no one listens or cares or agrees.

When I look at both of you today, I see two matured women who have chosen to harness their power as individuals. And regardless of the outcome of this fight -- I thank you, both of you.

So...

Remember all of the good times and all of the special people that were with you during them.

Let go of the past, but don't forget it because there are a great many things that can be learned from what you have been through.

And most importantly: Follow your heart, Stand up for what you believe in, and take your own path always doing what you want to do.

I will miss you both terribly. Thank you for making me the Supersup for so many consecutive months.

God Bless.


Your former supervisor and forever friend,
Marvin

Someone is copying my blog…

I just found out that someone has copied several of my entries, word per word, and posted it on his blog, passing it off as his entry.

Not only is this stealing intellectual property rights, but the entries he chose to plagiarize happened to be some of my most personal ones. He even copied my idea of placing a little icon before every post.

He even had the nerve to tweak one of my entries written in Tagalog and change it’s title to something that was obviously derived from my title.

And to think he was even asking me for help with editing his photos.

I shall not name him, or his multiply address. I just really feel sad that there are people like him who take advantage of other people.

Needless to say, I am royally p-i-s-s-e-d.

Does this guy totally lack any ideas of his own?

I guess plagiarism is a pitfall of posting your writing on the internet.

If that’s the case, I don’t want to blog anymore.

Somebody Save Me

Hi.

It's been a long time since the first times…

The first time we met... to the first time we kissed... to our first fight... our first good-bye... our first tears... to the last 'I love you.'

People say you never realize what you have until you lose it. In a way... they're right. But I never took you for granted because I knew any day I could wake up and you would be gone…

I just hoped so much it wouldn't be for a very long time.

Now I miss all those things I never really noticed. Like how much I miss your hands holding mine, how you’d sneak into my pad and most of all... I miss your smile.

Yes, I miss your smile.

Ahhh… those smiles… No matter what was going wrong, all you had to do was give me that smile of yours and somehow I knew everything was going to be all right.

I haven't seen that smile forever. I just keep hoping I'll see it again so I can have that feeling that everything is going to be all right again.

I'm not all right.

I'm anything but okay right now.

I just keep wondering if I'm ever on your mind. Or if you ever miss my smile too…

I wonder if you ever wake up in the middle of the night praying that I'll come back.

I miss you so much.

There's nothing I can say that would ever make you understand just what you mean to me. I want more than anything to see your smile again knowing it's for me...

I need something to hold onto…

I need you…

Someone help me.

Or I’ll drown…

Ang kwento ko ay malamang kwento mo rin…

Kung papipiliin ka, ikaw ba ay isang mabuting tao na paminsan-minsan ay nakakagawa ng masama, o isang masamang tao na paminsan-minsan ay nakakagawa ng mabuti?

Ako?

Yung pangalawa ang sagot ko. Kasi pag ang tingin ko sa sarili ko ay mabuti, malulungkot lang ako tuwing makakagawa ako ng masama. Pero pag ang tingin ko sa sarili ko ay masama, matutuwa ako tuwing makakagawa ng mabuti sa ibang tao.

At maganda yun dahil sawa na akong malungkot.

Kailangan ba talagang isaalang-alang ang ibang tao bago mo masabing dapat ka ngang maging masaya? Hindi ka ba pwedeng maging masaya, dahil lang gusto mong maging masaya?

Bakit maraming taong mahilig makialam sa kaligayahan ng iba? Malamang dahil iniisip nilang wala kang karapatang maging masaya. Pero mas malamang na wala kasing nagpapasaya sa buhay nila.

Mas napapasaya ka ba ng sarili mo? O ng ibang tao? Masama ba kung masaya ka sa buhay dahil sa mga nagawa mo para sa sarili mo, at hindi dahil sa mga nagawa mo para sa ibang tao at mga nagawa ng ibang tao para sa iyo?

Hindi siguro masama, pero malungkot. Na lalong nagpapagulo sa usapan. Isipin mo, malulungkot ka dahil ikaw lang ang nagpapasaya sa iyo?

Babalikan mo ang mga bagay na bumuo ng mga araw mo sa loob ng maraming taon. Naging masaya ka nga ba? O niloko mo lang ang sarili mo na masaya ka?

Kung kailangan mo pang kumbinsihin ang sarili mo na dapat ka ngang maging masaya, paano mo masasabing masaya ka nga?

Kaya naman sisimulan mo ang paghahanap ng kaligayahan. Ikaw ay hihiling, maghihintay, aasa at mabibigo.

Paulit-ulit.

Ayos lang sa iyo. Tutal, pangako mo, kapag nahanap mo na ang hinahanap mo, magiging masaya ka na 'di ba?

Ang mahirap maintindihan, bakit kapag nasa harap mo na ang isang bagay na maaaring magpasaya sa iyo, saka ka naman magtatanong, "Ano ba ang nagawa ko, bakit dumating sa buhay ko ang magandang bagay na ito?" Maiisip mong hindi ka karapat-dapat, kaya't ikaw ay lalayo at muling maghahanap.

Ano nga ba ang hinahanap mo? Hindi mo ba napapansin na may mga bagay hindi hinahanap pero kusang nagagawi sa landas mo?

Kailan mo kaya maiisip na hindi mo kailangang maging espesyal na tao para dumating ang isang magandang bagay na babago sa iyo?

Para iyon sa iyo, dahil ikaw ay ikaw. Hindi na kailangan ng dahilan. Bawat isa ay nararapat lang na maging masaya.
Sa halip tuloy na masaya ka na, pinalulungkot mo ang sarili mo sa pag-iisip kung paano ka nga ba sasaya.

May sense naman diba?

So masaya ka na ba talaga?

Napakasuwerte mo naman palang nilalang...

Ikaw.

Oo, ikaw nga!

Napakasuwerte mo sa lahat ng mga taong nagpakatanga at nagpapakatanga sayo! Naisip mo na ba kung ilang dagat na ang pwedeng mabuo mula sa mga luhang tumulo dahil sayo? Masarap ba ang pakiramdam ng iniiyakan kahit buhay ka pa?!
Masaya?!

Ilang tanga na ba ang naliwanagan dahil dumating ka sa buhay nila? Ilang henyo na ba ang nabobo sa kaiisip sayo? ilang bochog na ba ang nangayayat sa kakahabol sayo? ilang patpatin na ba ang nakabuhat ng grand piano dahil minahal ka nila?

Nakakatawang isipin at pagtanda siguro natin mahirap paniwalaan, na minsan sa buhay ng batang iyon, ikaw ang naging tampok ng kanyang mga pangarap.

Minsan naman sadyang dumadating sa mga relasyon yung pagkakataon na kailangang bumitaw o mabitawan, makasakit o masaktan. Malas mo na nga lang kung ikaw yung iniwan pero hindi eh. Talagang masuwerte ka kasi ikaw yung nang-iwan. Pero kahit ganoon na nga ang papel mo, lalabas ka pa ring bida at dakila kasi sasabihin ng mokong na to, Hindi ko siya masisisi. Akonaman talaga ang may kasalanan.

Ayos!

Ilang utak na ba ang binabagabag mo gabi-gabi? Ilang nilalang na ang hindi nakakatulog sakaiisip sayo? Ilang mga mata na ang parang namagang fishball sa umaga dahil sa magdamag napag-iyak sa alaala mo?

Alam mo ba na para kang bubblegum sa bumbunan nung taong mahal na mahal ka? Pilit na kinukutkot pero sa huli malagkit pa rin. Para kang mantika sa platong hindi maalis-alis kahit nakalimang banlaw na lalo na kung walang Joy Ultra Calamansi. Para kang monthly period na after three days akala wala na pero may taghabol pa pala.

Isa man yan, o isang barkada, maswerte ka pa rin. Hindi ba nakakataba ng puso ang malamang may isang nilalang na iinom ng isang shot ng nana at isang kilong taba para lang sayo? Na kahitlasunin mo ng racumin, para pa ring tutang susunod sayo.

Kung ganon pwede ka nang lumundag mula sa Eiffel Tower at makakasigurado kang sa langit pa rin ang bagsak mo dahil may isang nilalang na makikipagbargain kay satanas para sa kaluluwa mo.

Sabihin mo nang hindi ka naman ganon; nainiiwan ka rin at nasasaktan; na hindi moginustong magpakapraning sila sayo; na hindi ka ganon kalupit at karahas; na may puso ka ringmamon.

Pero wala kang magagawa.

Wala akong magagawa.

Wala silang magagawa.

MAHAL KITA EH...THAT'S LIFE!!

I Know Better

I am not like that now.

I know better.

I know now that people lie, and promises can be broken as quick as they are made.

I understand that I might never be loved, and too quickly good things fly in front of my eyes before I can reach out and grab them.

I know that I can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. Also, there isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if I'm standing alone for awhile, that's why.

Not everything in life comes easy, but when I work the hardest, that's when it's the best.

I can't always expect people to care, and even when my best friends stab me in the front, I don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for my back. They missed for a reason.

I found out to soon, that in the end, I am my own best friend.

Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, its gonna hurt like hell. But I can't stop it. I can't change my fate.

Some things are meant to be and all the pain I go through will end up resulting in something huge. I don't know what it is and when it happens, it will hit me like a ton of bricks.

At some point, when I have experienced everything I can, the words 'Life' and 'Risk' won't mean anything to me anymore. But I won't try to change it. Stuff like that is meant to happen.

Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on me. And that happens because that's the way it supposed to be. But I'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter.

But it might catch me off guard and happen sooner.

So i better watch out.

I know better.

Really.

I do.

Wandering Wonders

Last night I sat thinking about all my past relationships: the good ones, the bad ones, the ones that never meant a single thing to me --- and I suddenly thought about you.

At the beginning everything seemed perfect: the times you made me laugh, the moments we spent alone, the phone calls we shared every night. You were the one thing in my life that truly made me happy…

Then everything started to change. Instead of the laughs, the tears started to form, then the jealousy, the pain --- and you were out of my life.

Now I sit here thinking. The moments of sadness I felt never compared to the few times of happiness I experienced when we were still together. I wonder how I ever let you go? It was pure love. And if we had only realized that before.

Four months later, here I am, alone in my bed with only Pressy to keep me company all night, wondering… does it hurt you to look at all the places we've been? Do you get that tiny smile that tugs at your lips for one, small, insignificant instant and then it disappears as quickly as it came as the realization of what we have become hits you?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you when you are nearing my pad, or my doorway, or that spot were I used to stand waiting for you to come home? Do you visualize my figure waiting there for you, only to discover that when you reach for it, I'm nowhere in sight?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you to know that I'm afraid to talk to you? What do I say to someone who has hurt me, confused me, and broken me beyond measures but whom I still love more than words can express?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you when my eyes meet yours and then dart quickly away? Does it bother you when I look at you with no expression and turn and walk the other way?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you to know that every time I see you I feel like crying? That when I see your face something inside of me dies just a little bit more, or when I see you frown I want more than anything to kiss your pain all away… but then I realize I am your pain...

I'm just wondering...

Wondering how you are feeling...

Wondering where you are…

Wondering who you’re with…

Wondering…

If you are hurting too...

Like I do…

RAINBOWS

As kids we are taught that a rainbow has seven colors. But as we grow older, we realize that there are other shades, hues and subtleties that are not taught to us.

Now, they remain unnamed.

But as we grow older, the more colors we see in a rainbow.

As we go on with life, we realize that scholars’ teachings are, in most cases, far from what reality has to say.

Like a rainbow, life is full of complexities.

Life is full of variations.

And the further and deeper we go through it, the more colors we see.

I pray that we find understanding when we are faced with division, and may we be dominated by equality when we discover difference.

This blog is a tribute to unity in diversity, dignity and a celebration of life.

For a moment, I seriously thought about discontinuing this blog for some obvious reasons. First, people are not reading them anyway. Second, I don’t think it’s serving its purpose. I only make people sad, which is far from what I envisioned my posts to be. Lastly, I always receive nasty comments from anonymous judgmental people.

But then again, I always remember what my mother tells me when I was still a kid. She would hold me in her arms and would tell me this: “Remember this, you have got to believe in yourself. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Don’t give up and don’t give in. Dare to speak your mind. Dare to make a difference. Dare to love… Because in the end it will be okay, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end”

And she would tuck me to bed and kiss me good night. My mom tells me this every single night from kindergarten to fourth grade to junior high. I grew up living those words… well, sometimes…

If only for my mom, I would have long stopped writing. I would have long given up on my dream as a writer.

But just like the rainbow, which symbolizes hope in the bible, I will always be here…

After the rain…

After the storm…

I will be here… and no one’s stopping me.

Not you… yes, you.

Not even you.

I write to express not to impress.

I am moving on, hoping that the next thing would be letting go.

When someone you love abandons you, it doesn't hurt just because they've changed, or lied, or went back on their promises. But because you know what they really are and what a beautiful person they can be…

And when they take that away from you and won't let you see that beautiful person again, nothing hurts more than having someone just decide to take your entire world away without consulting you first.

I am moving on… And if I feel the need to cry, I will. But it will not be for the heart ache you've made, but for not we might have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that I felt, but I will cry because of the love that I was never able to share, with the one guy I fell for.

I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the guy who left.

I am moving on… And I'll try to wake up in the morning and smile and think not of why you left, but that once you stayed. No, don't try to reason with me, this is too much... I will try not to think of you… When I wake up in the morning I will try not to ask myself if somehow you are also awake.

I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of.

No, I won't even think of you while I'm eating my breakfast wondering if you're doing the same thing, because sooner or later I know you will.

No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in, just to have some privacy to sadly think of you, cry or do some foolish things because of you.

I've had enough.

I'll try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I'll just try to smile. And no, never will I again think of you last, when I go to sleep…

Sleep is my only rest, so please don't plague me in my dreams.

I will give my affections to any guy who is in need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours…

Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he's here, you're not.

I am moving on...

Hoping that the next thing would be letting go.