Wandering Wonders

Last night I sat thinking about all my past relationships: the good ones, the bad ones, the ones that never meant a single thing to me --- and I suddenly thought about you.

At the beginning everything seemed perfect: the times you made me laugh, the moments we spent alone, the phone calls we shared every night. You were the one thing in my life that truly made me happy…

Then everything started to change. Instead of the laughs, the tears started to form, then the jealousy, the pain --- and you were out of my life.

Now I sit here thinking. The moments of sadness I felt never compared to the few times of happiness I experienced when we were still together. I wonder how I ever let you go? It was pure love. And if we had only realized that before.

Four months later, here I am, alone in my bed with only Pressy to keep me company all night, wondering… does it hurt you to look at all the places we've been? Do you get that tiny smile that tugs at your lips for one, small, insignificant instant and then it disappears as quickly as it came as the realization of what we have become hits you?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you when you are nearing my pad, or my doorway, or that spot were I used to stand waiting for you to come home? Do you visualize my figure waiting there for you, only to discover that when you reach for it, I'm nowhere in sight?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you to know that I'm afraid to talk to you? What do I say to someone who has hurt me, confused me, and broken me beyond measures but whom I still love more than words can express?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you when my eyes meet yours and then dart quickly away? Does it bother you when I look at you with no expression and turn and walk the other way?

I'm just wondering, does it hurt you to know that every time I see you I feel like crying? That when I see your face something inside of me dies just a little bit more, or when I see you frown I want more than anything to kiss your pain all away… but then I realize I am your pain...

I'm just wondering...

Wondering how you are feeling...

Wondering where you are…

Wondering who you’re with…

Wondering…

If you are hurting too...

Like I do…