Once In a While

So often life is every bit as good, if not better, than the wonderful make-believe movies we love to watch.

It has all the same joy and sorrow, mystery and suspense, adventure and excitement, and love and emotion --- except it's real.

Live your life as if it were a great movie --- complete with a happy ending.

…Because once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life...

Love gives us a fairy tale.

Only That Moon

Sometimes I feel like there is a hole inside me... An emptiness that, at times, seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean.

And the moon in Makati tonight: there's a circle around it --- a sign of trouble not far behind.

I have this dream of being whole... Of not going to sleep each night wanting, but still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.

I just want someone to love me.

I want to be seen.

I don't know...

Maybe I've had my happiness. I don't want to believe it, but there is no man...

Only that moon.

Helpless Puppets

There are moments in your life that make you... that set the course for who you're going to be.

Sometimes they're little subtle moments.

Sometimes they're not…

Bottom line is even when you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. Nobody asks for his or her life to change.

Not really, but it does.

So what are we helpless Puppets?

No, the big moments are going to come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts...

That’s when you find out who you are.

Few Fries Short of a Happy Meal

There was a time that it never seemed to matter much…

No --- that’s not true –-- There was a time I deceived myself into thinking that it didn’t matter much; A time when I tried to be what everyone wanted me to be: Successful, wealthy, independent, helpful, knowledgeable…
How did I allow myself to lose everything I stood for… everything I wanted? When did I give up and give in?

Where did I go to be so far from reality?

Who was I kidding?

Maybe it was all me, afraid to face reality, afraid to face rejection, afraid to face loss and pain and emptiness…

Maybe I realized that I couldn’t be what I wanted, couldn’t be where I wanted, and couldn’t have what I needed…

Maybe I thought I could have my reality if I lived up to everyone else’s first…

Maybe I was just a fool…

Now reality is here and I can’t turn away. I can’t hide; can’t run fast enough or far enough. All the pain and loss, all of the wrong choices, all of the missed opportunities, all of the loneliness…

My reality envelops me, washes through every pore, and flows through me with more strength than my blood…

Pain, anger, fear, and longing have become so constant and omnipresent that I can no longer feel them individually or feel any other emotions at all. My reality pulls me down into that same abyss I have feared my whole life, But I still retain a faint glimmer of hope (fool that I am).

Truth, passion, joy, bonding, caring, love --– It seems so simple. Shouldn’t these things come to everyone? Why for others and not for me?

How can I live without the only things that really matter?

Who am I kidding?!

Why I drink Beer

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.

A leopard can't change his stripes and neither can a queer.

Brian Kinney: You stupid little twat, never let anyone fuck you without a condom.
Justin: You're not just anyone.
Brian Kinney: Yeah, I'm sure that's what Ben thought about the guy who infected him. Put it on me... I want you safe. I want you around for a long time.

Queer As Folk is a TV series that has changed the way I look at life, love, friends and sex. After seeing season one, I just knew that my life and my perspective would never be the same again.

My fascination with Queer As Folk started when my ex-boyfriend who works in a gay-lesbian oriented magazine introduced the TV series to me. Being the influential guy that he is, I quickly got interested into seeing the said TV flick.

Since then, I have been following the trail of events of this not so usual, groundbreaking series.

Michael Charles Novotny: I don't know how you do it, working all day, fucking all night.
Brian Kinney: Well they say in the vast emptiness of space, the faster you move, the slower you age. I have to believe the same holds true for Pittsburgh. You care to join me?
Michael Charles Novotny: You'll have to stay forever young without me.
Brian Kinney: I understand, you're in a committed relationship with your, what is that hideous expression? Significant other? Loser.

Queer As Folk is an innovative, provocative, and groundbreaking series that chronicles the friendships, careers, loves, trials, tribulations, and ambitions of a diverse group of gay men and lesbians living in Pittsburgh, PA. Blending strong drama with necessary charm and humor, Queer As Folk rivals any other show presented on television.

It provides viewers with a graphic & intense (and sometimes controversial) view of several different issues such as love, relationships, sex, friendship, personal highs & lows, and life in the gay and lesbian community.

Justin: [to his father] If you wanna hit me go right ahead. Because I'm not gonna cry like some little faggot. And if you wanna send me off to boarding school that's fine too. Because I bet more butt fucking goes on in boarding schools than in the back room of Babylon. But whatever you do, it doesn't matter. Because I'll still be your queer son.

A major part of the show's high likeability most definitely lies in its highly talented cast of characters; the comedic, boy-next-door Michael (Hal Sparks) and his charming boyfriend Ben (Robert Gant), the undeniably sexy and promiscuous Brian (Gale Harold), flamboyant and undaunted Emmett (Peter Paige), modest Ted (Scott Lowell), a "two steps forward, two steps back" kind of guy, and the young, talented, romance-crazed Justin (Randy Harrison).
Also adding the show's charm are its three resident ladies: Melanie (Michelle Clunie) & Lindsay (Thea Gill), a high-spirited and loveable lesbian couple raising a family together, and Debbie (Sharon Gless), Michael's ever-so-proud and delightful mother.

Ted: [on dating a guy who's HIV positive] It's like playing with fire. I mean... what if a condom breaks? Or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?
Brian: Or he shoots off his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass...

With its mix of loveable characters, captivating story lines, and undeniable charm, Queer As Folk has, over the years, definitely evolved into the compelling and ever-so-popular show it was destined to be.

We continue to learn every single day

Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I've had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got not to forget to laugh.

I've learned...

…That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

…That when you're in love, it shows. I’m in love. I have always been in love. =)

… That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

… That being kind is more important than being right.

…That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

… That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

… That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

…That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

… That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

… That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

… That money doesn't buy class and love and friends

.… That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

… That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

… That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

… That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

… That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

… That in love --- time heals all wounds.

… That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

… That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

… That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

… That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

… That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

… That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

… That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

… That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

… That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

… That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

… That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

… That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

… That it’s my dad’s birthday yesterday.

… That Kuya Cesar is already dead.

… That Chiz Escudero is leading the senatorial slate.

… That it’s already late and I need to sleep because we are leaving early tomorrow morning.

… That this blog entry is getting a little longer than I thought.

… That I have to end it right now. =)

In a nutshell: We can never stagnate in this life. There are just too many things to learn… and yes, lessons? --- There’s plenty for everyone…