Monday, January 29, 2007

I "HEART" You



I realized after several failed relationships that the word "love" is very difficult to define. It means many different things to many different people. Not only does each person think differently on what "love" is, but there are so many different types of love that it's really hard to pinpoint a simple statement.

I believe we were all born with a need in our heart that says, "Love me!" We are all searching for something that is missing in our hearts. Someone to "mesh" with, that perfect “WHATEVER” that will fulfill that empty spot in our heart - whether through sports, relationships, jobs, hobbies, etc…

If I love my boyfriend, this means that I do all in my power to make him happy and expect nothing in return. If he were to love me, he would do the same. Imagine that, the world walking around with people totally content and happy in their relationships!

How many times have I heard someone say, "This is a partnership, I do 50% and you do 50%". Boy, that means that you are only going to be satisfied 50% of the time! How horrible. What if (let's dream for a little bit here) we said to our partner, "I am going to give you 100% of myself and I expect the same in return?” Aren't we still saying, "I expect a partnership"? Aren't we saying that you need to uphold your part of this partnership, and I'll uphold mine?

I need to add that "love" isn't expecting something from someone or something. It shouldn't be the focus - that of receiving something. It's giving. Have you ever heard the song, "Love is a Verb?” Webster's defines a verb as: "... expressing action" Therefore, if we look at love as an action, we really can't be sitting back waiting for someone to shower us with affection or whatever else it is we are expecting.

Shouldn't it be the other way around? If "love" is an action (which I think it is), we would then look at it as doing something for the object of our affection as opposed to receiving.

Love is more than sending flowers, holding hands, or any of those sweet things that look like love. Love, true love, is a commitment. It’s the continual putting up with one another and always looking for the best in them even when they are annoying you. It’s realizing that no one is ever going to be perfect, but not letting that bother you. It’s about loving a person for their imperfections as much as their good qualities.

Also, don't you find that we are searching for someone to love us in the way WE think love is? Let's say we perceive love as someone who is always with us, never leaves our side. If our loved one needs to go to the restroom, and asks that we not follow them in, does that mean they love us less?

Think also on this... Are we basing our FEELINGS of loving someone on how he or she treats us or how we emotionally FEEL about someone? Do we fall in love with someone because they treat us a certain way, they say just the right words, behave in a way that produces deep emotional feelings within us only to fall out of love because they stopped treating us that way? Go a step further, did they stop loving us, so we stopped loving them - or vice versa?

Shouldn't we "love" WHO a person is as opposed to what they do? I love this person because they are good and decent, they treat people with respect, they are hard working and honest. NOT, I love this person because he/she focus' all his/her attention on me and he/she makes me feel wonderful!

To love someone regardless of how we FEEL about them would take a lot of grit. It's saying that despite how I feel at this very moment - the fact that I am so totally angered at what you just said or did - I'm going to respect you as a person and love you as I should.

I really don't think society sees this as love. I think they want to see it as insanity. In this world full of the "gimme" mentality and self-love, you would hear things like, "Divorce the jerk, and leave him/her if they don't give you this or that." Is love getting all my needs met? Is it that selfish?

You know, what it boils down to is that there is a certain responsibility to loving someone. It is showing and feeling but also committing to respect, honor, cherish, etc., the person we care deeply about.

I don't think love dies; I think that pain and disillusionment stifle it. I think there are millions of people walking around saying they don't believe in love because they THOUGHT they loved someone and after being hurt stopped loving them. I really don't think this was love. Infatuation, obsession, ardor, lust... those die.


True love never dies, never ends.


True love is a determination to continue giving despite what anyone else says or does. The ultimate sacrifice.


The dying of our own wants and needs. Selfless.

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