I've been there... haven't you? You know your relationship can use some fine-tuning, but for the most part you feel secure. Think again. Before, during and even after a break-up you get to find out just how selfish the 'dumper' is. The deceit, the crushed dreams and hearts. It really does hurt and it seems that life will never, ever be the same. But it will.
The bad thing about getting dumped or abandoned is it costs us our self-esteem. We feel a full tidal wave of rejection bring us to our knees, sucking the wind out of our sails. We form an inner-hate and get caught in a self-destructive mode. We create within ourselves intense feelings of rejection, isolation, and a profound loss of love, acceptance, and control.
When we are dumped it creates a grief that is far more intense than the loss of love through death. With death the person who has died has not consciously elected to withdraw their love for you. You get a sense of closure and finalization. Death has no possibilities of changing its mind! But when we are dumped the person has made the decision to withdraw from you and desert you. They have rejected you, turned their back to you, and, often times, moved on to someone else.
Getting 'dumped' hurts like hell. It sucker-punches the air out of us and leaves us feeling alone, lost, and hopeless. We lose our very selves when the person we love makes the conscious decision to leave us.
The grief of being abandoned can quickly progress to extreme sadness, self-doubt, insecurity, and fear. Abandonment drains our self-esteem. It can lead to depression, addictions, compulsions, and uncontrollable anxiety or panic attacks. In extreme cases, some are left with suicidal thoughts. If left unresolved, abandonment can interfere with - or even prevent - any healthy future relationships. Once in this cycle, we will often find ourselves abandoned over and over again, as we become either blocked from fully connecting to others, or struggle with extreme-attachment for fear of being abandoned again. We may accept abuse and infidelity, just to avoid feelings of abandonment. Sometimes we remain in a panic-like state of obsessiveness and hyper-vigilance towards our abandoner, or inner focused on our own pain and hurt. We often carry with us feelings of being deserted, needy, and demoralized. Eventually, our lack of self-control makes us feel like a victim within our own creation, causing self-hatred, harm, or injury.
Curing the grief that surrounds you is to find happiness within you. Sounds impossible, but it isn't. It is not only very possible, it has been there all along. If it weren't, you would have curled up in a ball at the foot of the one who left you, and died. And, yes, you might have felt that way, but did you do it? No! Because you still know, buried deep inside of you, that your ex was not the be-all to your life. And how do I know that? You have the courage and the desire to 'continue on'. You believe in you, you have faith in life, and you are aware of your capacity to love again. A new and better life is not only possible, not only probable, but also a plain and simple fact.
You hurt, right? Well...look at it this way. You loved someone. You loved them very much. And they abandoned you. You thought the world of them and they crushed your heart and stole your dreams. Wow - so much power they have...to be able to inflict such heavy and massive destruction to your well-being. Your ex is the first thought in your head when you wake and the last when you go to sleep. And this constant dwelling confuses you. You actually come to believe that you love them and need them far more than you actually do.
Let me point out that many who make the choice to leave and end a relationship do not set out directly to cause hurt and pain. Their main goal; is to find happiness and personal fulfillment, not to directly cause hurt to someone they care about.
But it still hurts.
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