To Be or Not to Be?

When you break up with someone, and you hang out with your friends, you want him to be there but then again, on second thought, you don’t want him to be there because you enjoy his presence and you like being with him…

Why?

Because he is always the one that can make you laugh, even when no one else is laughing; he is always the one that will make the stupid comments and the immature jokes, but you always laugh, and you can’t figure why…

But then you don’t want him to be there because every time you look at him it makes you want him even more.

You look at him and in your mind you’re saying “right now, I would be holding his hand, or kissing him” and it kills you that he doesn’t see how much you are hurting, but you try hiding it by smiling when he says hi to you or if he even looks at you…

And at the back of your numb worn-out mind, you wonder if he thinks or feels the same way you feel because you want to tell him how you feel so bad, but is afraid that he will laugh in your face, or even worse, not even pay attention….

So what do you do?

You mask all your feelings with a smile, pretending nothing is wrong, until you get home, where you cry yourself to sleep holding something dear to you that he gave you…

Silently wishing he also felt the pain that you feel…